Bridging Fantasy & Reality

I LOVE game theory and application in Economics!!!!

coz it allows me to see the beauty of the first few minutes and the last few minutes of the Dark Knight (Batman)

coz it tells me so much about why all those small parties are hugely important when it comes to an election.

coz i now see John Nash for the genius that he was and not the schizophrenic that he turned out to be.

coz i never thought i'd b learning about war strategies and escape routes and selection preferences but I ammmm.

coz it's real life applications are vast and boundless.....

coz i suddenly feel like a secret agent.

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I got back from uni on saturday after semi completing a game theory assignment with wei-yuen and saw this white box with a red cross stamped on the front of it just outside my room. suspiciously, i dug into it and found lemsip, a strepsil and an apricot flavoured granola bar together with a note from Kailas! The girl is so sweeeeeeeet! She knew I was sick so she went ahead and put together a care package for me. Just when you think people like this don't exist in the world today, reality defies it....




Anyhowzah, i'm pretty glad my assignment load has lightened with only one left for submission. I still have a couple of things to do, like STUDY for example. One month to finals. In fact, less tha one month. I have to reapply for my student visa. And then for my holiday visa. And book my tickets to Perth. Things get ticked off the list but new additions are inevitable...

Apart from falling sick, I'm also dealing with a bout of personal problems. Is this month some sorta mating month? I thought when these problems came along, I'd immediatly know what to do. And I'd most definitely relish the feelings that came with it. But nothing can be further from the truth. Coz most of the time, I am concerned about not hurting others which makes me compromise my feelings a lot.

ah well. just to forget it all, I agreed to follow Adelynn and Shoggi on their mission to the bay late saturday night. Mind you, the journey takes half an hour on a bus so us deciding to walk there was actually pretty crazy la. Especially in the freezing weather that seems to haunt auckland these days.

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you know what, i'm beginning to think that i am the sort of person who cannot handle stress. I will sink at the feet of evolution. i will be selected against amongst man kind. i will teeter at the edge and fall outwards.

this month alone has been hell. hell brought upon me by myself. poor time management. sleeping too much. taking things for granted. it ALL came back to bite me. accepting friendships that came in a parcel with a prerequisite stamped on it. plunging head first into murky waters. going against what i knew was right. it all comes back. karma is a bitch. yet if you ask me what i would have done differently had i had a chance to go back in time, i'd tell you i didn't know. think about it. if the human race had a time machine, would anything have been different? i'd say no. the holocaust would still happen. the wars would be as they were. history would go down the same way. saying things would be different if given a second chance is easy. doing them is another thing altogether. we are given too many chances.

i suppose the reason i don't write about the dark side too much is because i choose to remain an optimist. but if i were to tell you that life here is a breeze with no obscurities, would you believe me? I'd call you a fool if you did. people, problems, pickles. it all comes in a package. some complain about it (ie: me), others hide it, and yet others march sturdily into it. People deal in so many different ways. which is precisely why i believe that i would be selected against.

in the past month i've not slept a few days in one go and survived it. i've handed in assignments seconds before pick up. i've changed my 'study hard' method for 'study smart and nothing more'. i've eaten rubbish and not cared. i've not visited the gym a few days in a row. i've lost friends and taken pleasure in loneliness. i've had a panic attack more than once. i've come to believe that i may have had swine flu at least once. i've been at the losing end more than i thought i would.

but what i've learnt is priceless. things i can never list down. things i merely remember. things that will help me be selected for. i am never going to wish that i could go back into the past and change things ever again. i've decided that learning from the past is the best thing you can give to your present. the past is the only reason i hang on, to the thread that is fraying, being gnawed away by some grim mouse on chapel street.

back to eco assignment now. where graphs rule and heroes drool.

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Dear mummy and patti,











For the glow that radiates from within you and the genes that you have passed on to me ;)

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Today.

was ruled by Murphy's Law.

was the day i went a straight 48 hours without sleeping.

was the day I survived on a staple diet of peanut butter and bread because I realized that I had run out of groceries.

was the day my essay was due and also the day I felt like I had to go through a series of obstacle courses just to submit an online copy into turnitin and a hard copy into the submission box.

was the day my slippers gave way as I was walking through the business school, trying to find a printer to print out a copy of my assignment. (this always happens to me!)

was the day I tricked a friend into believing that I was in trouble when all I was in was my own self created drama which I couldn't cope with alone.

was the day I walked the streets of NZ and around uni completely barefoot.

was the day I discovered I could sleep while standing upright.

was the day I witnessed a friend lose his temper.

was the day I realized the bane of last minute work.

was the day I sat in front of my computer completely oblivious to the passage of time and completely oblivious to the fact that I hadn't brushed my teeth even though half a day had passed.

was the day I discovered that working under pressure had no effect what so ever on my level of perfectionism.

was the day I sat through a meeting AND practiced my part for a skit despite not being able to keep my eyes open.

was yet another day that went by without me having the courage to speak to him.

was the day that I enjoyed the attention.



Today was also the day.....

that I realized Murphy's Law is simply a state of mind.

that I realized i was one of those lucky people who didn't get eyebags despite staying up.

that made me realize that too much of a good thing is never good. In this case, peanut butter.

that I realized that I had never really made an effort to remember my tutor's name OR pay attention to tiny details...

I discovered it was time to put an end to slippers......

I discovered what a truly awesome friend she was by dropping everything and being right where I wanted her to be in an instant.

I realized that despite me being conscious about roaming around with no footwear, no one else really cared. Egocentrism works in the most wonderful ways.

I decided never to relax my shoulders while standing upright.

I discovered how everyone had a breaking point.

I realized that last minute work will always play an integral role in my life. Sadly.

I realized there was a reason for the cavity that cost me a bomb.

I decided that perfectionism is not necessarily a bad thing.

I realized there was an invisible force prying my eyes open just when I needed it to be open.

I realized that he didn't have the courage to speak to me either...

I realized that I should stop milking some forms of attention.....

Today was, simply put, A VERY LONG DAY.

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I ABSOLUTELY LOVED the day that today turned out to be. It was just one of those days when Murphy's Law had no ability to extend it's tentacles over.....

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