Bridging Fantasy & Reality

The debut of my bday wish list. The last few years have seen me through tragedous birthday gifts. Sorry if I come off sounding like a total bitch. But I like to put a lot of thought into the gifts that I buy for people. And I don’t think it’s unfair for me to demand the same from others. If you’re going to buy me something, it might as well be something that I WILL use and not lie in some deep dark corner, collecting dust. The most meaningful gifts need not be expensive, in fact, I wouldn’t mind if it didn’t cost a single cent =) Hand made gifts are THE bomb!!!! I adore almost aneeething hand made. But if you’re pressed for time OR in a creative rut, then this might help…..

1. Bangles from Diva or Forever 21 (if ur getting them from Diva, I want either the brown ones OR the green ones!!!)

2. At the moment, I’m into long beady chains that does heaps when you wear them with plain tops…. (choose wisely,
I’m more bohemian chic than hip hooker or sexy seductress)

3. Levis jeans (…..considering you don’t know my size and I am not about to reveal it publicly, I will settle for money to buy a pair ;D)

4. Tickets to Rihanna’s concert. Please buy at least 2 coz there’s no way in hell I’m goin alone.

5. A trip to Singapore and back

6. Speakers for my laptop (….hehehe, Bobbieee!!!)

7. A new super fab looking purse, I’m done with the short ones, I want the longer ones this time so that I don’t have to bend my cash notes ne more. Oh. N look for ones with a ginormous amount of card compartments.

8. Anything from Room Interior. I LOVE that place!

9. An uber cool cookbook with a millions of vegetarian/fishetarian recipies =) Do pay attention to serving sizes and keep in mind the availability of the ingredients in NZ

10. An uber cool cereal bowl from Ikea which can double up as a noodle bowl and if you get me this, u MUST get me matching uber cool chopsticks to go with it….

11. A complete set of stabilo ink pens in as many different colours as possible. I can’t possibly make notes without these and haven’t been able to find them since I got back. I only see individual ones for sale =(.

12. A spa voucher. I want massage!!!

13. A scarf and beanie to keep warm in NZ. Please don’t get me ones that you KNOW I won’t wear.

14. I wouldn’t mind a cute looking bag… I quote cute looking.

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When I was a kid my parents got me a dog. It was a labrador (is that how u spell it?!?). Being a puppy and all, it was teeny, and awfully cute. And it would fall asleep in my arms. I wouldn't let it sleep. Coz then all I could do was feel the expansion and contraction of it's tummy against my hand. I needed it to be active and wriggling all over me ~ATTENTION WHORE~. Neither did I let go of it much. Grandad used to scold me. He said puppies needed to run wild and free. Otherwise they'd just be gay. Ok. He didn't say it that way. In fact, I don't think my grandad ever said the word 'gay'. Aneewayy, I was afraid that if I let it go, then it'd run away and never come back. ~INSECURITY~

The puppy eventually grew into a rather bony labby despite it's extensive diet. And it became extremely fond of me. ~LOYAL~ Whenever I set foot into the lawn, it'd go completely crazy. And it would launch itself in the air and propel it's energy against me. I hated this. And thus, I decided, I didn't like it no more. Coz the puppy that I so very adored in the beginning of time had continued to grow and become a full fledged canine in my absence. ~UNFAITHFUL~ Everytime I came back, it looked different to some extent. ~CHANGE~ And each time, I raced faster to get into the house just so I could escape the leaps of love that ensued my arrival. ~IGNORANCE~

I think the dog died after a while. And when it lay there lifeless, I wasn't around to wake it up anymore or feel the non-expansion n contraction of it's stomach. I just accepted the fact. But returning to that house was never the same again. Just as swiftly as it was gone, I craved the attention that the dog had showered me with. And I realized..............~TAKING FOR GRANTED~

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I think this is going to be the most honest post I've come up with in ages. Why? Because I'm hurting. It's sort of an expected hurting but I supposed when I hurt, I start vomiting blood. Ok not exactly. I start puking vile truth facts. And coz I'm at present overcome by convulsions of ridicule and anger and amusement and stupidity, I could say I have finally found the inspiration to write. The long awaited inspiration. And in this state of inspiredness and anger and puking of vile truth, I will go further and compose my list of new years resolutions. Because my resolutions should be based on the truthness factor. In between these lines that have not yet made any sense to you, I will try my bestest to inject the subtlelest hint of humour. Just so you know that I won't be appearing on the front page of the newspapers tomorrow - aftermath of jumping down twelve storeys... But who am I kidding. I can hardly muck up the courage to bungee jump, let alone this... If I were to commit suicide, I'd have to do it in a very painless way. Coz my tolerance level towards pain is like right down there with my sense of direction and my people judgement skills. EH. WAIT. I AM NOT SUICIDAL. I SWEARRR. I'm just glad that not many people read my blog anymore. Now that I have subjected to an escalation of word count and subdued my picture count. Woi. It's called a BLOG. Wanna upload pictures go facebook la.

Random fact 1 : my mom asked me to stop using "la" in my tx msgs coz it sounds very shallow..... -_______- (yes JL, if u still read my blog, u might s well take this fat frog opportunity)

Random fact 2 : my mom told me I have a tendency to become mentally ill in the future. I am not surprised at all. Coz I think my synapses are programmed in a way that makes me think waaaaaaaaaaayyyy too much for my own good. And then the signals that are transmitted to my effectors are not ones that get me to STOP thinking to the point of head explosion, bt the ones that send me into a fit of giggles. Why am I like this? It gives me labels. IE: Druggie, Dimi Giggles, psychotic laughing girl. So maybe my faith is such. I was fated to study psychology so that when the time finally comes i will KNOW how to curb my mental illness into something else.

Ok. Enough with random facts. If I could sing Disturbia at the top of my lungs I would right now. Yesterday I was swearing to no end in Leeza Foo's car. N then she started swearing. And I felt proud. COz I managed to cultivate a swearing sister, and one with road rage at that. Next in line. Cassie. N then Lee Hua. N then the circle is complete. Aren't you proud of me JoBanana? I have passed on your genetic code. I wish you could meet the sisterhood. Coz we're FUN and random and the waiters at Friendster cafe possible HATE us. Seriously, restaurants should come up with a back door. I wish I could bring the sisterhood to New Zealand with me. Coz it'll help me cope in my time of need. So diverse. Whoever came up with it is a down right genius. I take that back.

So resolution timeee....

1. Weight? what weight? I wanna gain weight la. I shall indulge in only the finest cuisine. I shall start eating beef
which everyone claims to b the number one best meat. I shan't spit out fat in restaurants ne more. That way I can
avoid the uber disgusted look that my sister flashes me ever so often. I shall eat more after 6 pm. And I will stop
my addiction for endorphins so that I won't need to work out any longer.

2. I will continue to smile like a smurf. Coz i want la. Yes Mike. I finally found out what those blue creatures are. I
always knew. I just didn't know they were called that. I thought they were called round ball blue peoples.

3. I need to be more cynical and I need to start rolling my eyes more. Shereen Asha will be my coach. and a one a two
a three, roll babee, roll.

4. I will stop being so courteous on the road and start adopting malaysian mentality. It's bound to happen some day.
Let's start in KL.

5. When people ask me for advice and tell me that they trust my judgement coz I'm an about to be shrink (....which I
am not, please get ur facts right, shrinks are psychiatrists! U need to do all 5/6 years of med before u specialize in
shrinkalogy) I will smile and say "get lost!". I owe this to myself.

6. I will start impulse purchasing so that I can regret and start impulse purchasing as a form of therapy to get over
the fact that I impulse purchased in the first place.

7. I will tear and burn all the Little Miss t shirts that I see. Just coz they're too happy. N then I will stand and stare
at the flames and sniff the smell of 50%cotton = 50%polysterene. And I will tryyyy and attempt the evilest laugh I
know. Although, it'd be sufficient if I could just look like that kid in Omen 666.

8. I will reattempt the consumption of a cactus.

9. I will try and cry for no apparent reason. To confirm that I am human. Coz at this point in time, I really don't know

10. I will treat guys with utter love and affection coz that's exactly how they deserve to be treated. They are the
awesomest creatures to walk the face of the earth. Coz they were born with tactics and emotions and the
prowess of Godliness that requires all the other earthly species to kow tow to them.

11. I will come up with a drug. N then I will make it illegal. So i can become a syndicate.

12. I will go into clubs and piss the bouncers off so I can get thrown out. N then I will flirt with them. So they'll allow
me to reenter. No wait. I'll do it the other way round. Repulsion might not be reversed with flirtation.

13. I will experiment with all the things I've never experimented with before.

I just realized that this blog post might get me arrested. But then again, maybe I want to be. I hope you got some humour out of my frustration. It gave me little satisfaction if you must know. I still feel like going for a swim and scaling the waters til my limbs feel like they're going to snap off. And my skin becomes pruned to the point of perfection. And the rebonding of my hair unbounds and my head's covered in curls again. I wanna join some kickboxing class la. I think I will flourish. My energy is at an amazing level right now.

If you've never met me before and just stumbled upon this page AND provided you read the entire thing and now u wanna run miles and miles away, I am actually a very nice person. This is how I try and unbottle my bottled up feelings. And to friends who've read this post and finally come to the conclusion that I am suicidal, I assure you, I am fiiiine. If you ask me, I will slap you.

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