Thursday, May 21, 2009

reflections of a stressaholicomolic

12:29 AM

you know what, i'm beginning to think that i am the sort of person who cannot handle stress. I will sink at the feet of evolution. i will be selected against amongst man kind. i will teeter at the edge and fall outwards.

this month alone has been hell. hell brought upon me by myself. poor time management. sleeping too much. taking things for granted. it ALL came back to bite me. accepting friendships that came in a parcel with a prerequisite stamped on it. plunging head first into murky waters. going against what i knew was right. it all comes back. karma is a bitch. yet if you ask me what i would have done differently had i had a chance to go back in time, i'd tell you i didn't know. think about it. if the human race had a time machine, would anything have been different? i'd say no. the holocaust would still happen. the wars would be as they were. history would go down the same way. saying things would be different if given a second chance is easy. doing them is another thing altogether. we are given too many chances.

i suppose the reason i don't write about the dark side too much is because i choose to remain an optimist. but if i were to tell you that life here is a breeze with no obscurities, would you believe me? I'd call you a fool if you did. people, problems, pickles. it all comes in a package. some complain about it (ie: me), others hide it, and yet others march sturdily into it. People deal in so many different ways. which is precisely why i believe that i would be selected against.

in the past month i've not slept a few days in one go and survived it. i've handed in assignments seconds before pick up. i've changed my 'study hard' method for 'study smart and nothing more'. i've eaten rubbish and not cared. i've not visited the gym a few days in a row. i've lost friends and taken pleasure in loneliness. i've had a panic attack more than once. i've come to believe that i may have had swine flu at least once. i've been at the losing end more than i thought i would.

but what i've learnt is priceless. things i can never list down. things i merely remember. things that will help me be selected for. i am never going to wish that i could go back into the past and change things ever again. i've decided that learning from the past is the best thing you can give to your present. the past is the only reason i hang on, to the thread that is fraying, being gnawed away by some grim mouse on chapel street.

back to eco assignment now. where graphs rule and heroes drool.

0 comments: