Bridging Fantasy & Reality

" Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself, to do a little more, to show you something special. Life's funny sometimes; can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back, like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. In sports they call this stepping up, in life they call it pushing back" Nathan Scott, One Tree Hill, season 4

Just a few months ago, my cell phone was not one of the most important gadgets in my life. Apart from the alarm and the genius text message system, I never had much care for it... It was ok to leave the house without it. It was ok to leave it in my bag, unchecked for an extended period of time. Those times were much simpler times.

I've had to change my cell phone to suit my new lifestyle. I could/can no longer have a phone which dies randomly whenever it feels like it's services is not needed. Even one miss call has the potential of turning into some absurd life-destructing moment. My eyes are preened to the screen. Anticipating the familiar buzz and the glimmery lights of my all new Sony Ericsson W700i. Calls rush in from God knows where with God knows who on the line with God knows what on the agenda. Yep, I'm constantly on call and I'm not trying to rub it in anyone's face. Believe it or not, it is downright annoying. I miss those times when my cell phone was a mere nothing-ness in my subdued life.

I've been doing a lot of stepping up. Sometimes work begins at 7 am though I get to take off early. And sometimes it ends at 10 pm. The LEAN team has learnt how to remain optimistic despite it's shortcomings. Many a time, our efforts have borne no fruit but not one of us divulge in disappointment. There's simply no time for that. It's something I've learnt from the team. Something that has been invaluable to me.

Rotaract is kicking off slowly and steadily. One step at a time as retorted by my friend, the psychologist. My support network is so strong that nothing else matters. At times, i feel like the worst president ever. But then they're there to back me up. To advice me when my speech sucks. To remind me when there're too many meetings to handle. To introduce me to things I've never been familiarised with. Makes stepping up a lot easier.

University research has gone far and wide... There're more tests. Harder I hear. And those wholly sick-to-ur-stomach resumes! If only I could erase the memories and find comfort in mine. Ties with school teachers have to be reenacted. Sigh.

All this only keeps me driven.

First all-president meeting tomorrow. I need sleep so i can push back.

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'Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit and resign yourself to the influences of each' - Henry David Thoreau

I got yet another paper cut today, after encountering many 'paper jam' sessions at the photocopy machine... It hurt so bad that I had to suck on it and ended up getting glitter sporadically scattered all over it. My thumb now looks like a red stub with shiny spots!

Lesson learnt : Papers are evil!!! They're not like knifes. With knives, you're extra cautious coz
you know what they're capable of. But papers are just unassumingly dangerous!
They strike when you're least likely to expect it.

I finally took off the 'P' sign from the back and front of my car which means, I'm officially competent which means I can no longer act innocent when I commit intentional offences on the road which means DANG! Wasn't my idea to take it off at all, I intended to keep it right there in a 'til death do us part' stance but my I-can't-stand-ur-mess mommy removed it after the incident where this complete basket of a lorry tore my side view mirror right off my innocent little kelisa. For a while, it felt like my car had lost a limb, not to mention me bobbing my head up and down and here and there like an ostrich everytime I wanted to over take or navigate my car in that particular direction.. Since the mirror was dangling off the side of the car like a severed ear and to replace it we needed a considerable amount of moolah, mom decided to make her own amends which i would like to call 'operasi desperado'. Yep, we had it replaced using copious amounts of cellotape!

This was so NOT my fault and NO, this is not about denial. I was driving like a sane person on the Federal Highway, minding my own business and the road when this effing s***hole of a man just drove past my car and rammed the side view mirror off. I was stupefied when it happened. Couldn't do nuts. All I could do was horn feebly at the dude and to no avail. He just drove off like NOTHING had happened and this was SOMETHING. Blame my horn! It's not even a real horn. It sounds like one of those fake toy car horns.. Bleh! This isn't the first time either. I still remember when i first started driving on a highway... This neanderthal lorry dude decided to play with me and put my driving skills to the 'test'. Everytime I accelerated, he somehow found a way to swerve into my lane and break just for the sake of taking me for a terror ride. ANd a terror ride it was..... I almost pee-ed in my pants... It was a horrifying encounter! So those 'P' signs, no matter how innocent looking can be fatal... Especially in the presence of entertainment starved lorry drivers who spend much of their boring lives on the road....

Lesson learnt : Steer clear of lorries if you can help it. If you can't, until you get that 'P' off, good luck!! You'll be needing it....... More often than not, let em have their way.....

Went to the US edu fair on Sunday and two people I knew were on the alumni for two different universities. Adam was a Harvard alumni and Chern Han was a Princeton alumni... I didn't know CHern Han was gonna be there la so i just happened to stumble upon him... The flyers at most of the Ivy League unis ran out fast but there were other pretty good unis with awesome alumni people to talk to. There was this one reporter at Tufts who told me about all her experiences and how she ended up doing political journalism although she took a range of miscellaneous courses at uni. It was very intriguing listening to her coz she was very articulate and she spoke with such a contagious animated look in her eyes which made me drool in excitement. Oh the joy of being young!! I initially signed up for a volunteer at the fair but i kinda signed up too late so volunteering was outta the question....

Lesson learnt : Volunteer earlier! Talking to people on the alumni can be very beneficial when
choosing a uni/coll, they're the ones who've been there and done tht....

The Rotaract meeting on Sunday kinda up-ed the tempo. Marked how serious things were getting and how much more we had to do in order to nurture the club.. Ping Ling, Jeremy and Jeremy's sister came to oversee the meeting and Ping Ling enlightened us about Rotaract. My description of rotaract was so pale in comparison to hers. She managed to capture the attention of all the members and even I didn't know some of the things that she mentioned during the meeting. At certain parts i was like, huh? Really? Since when?? Emphasizes my lack of preparation for this position but then again, she's been the president for 3 terms at least. Maybe it just takes an awful amount of experience to be as well versed with the club as she is... Anyway, will be meeting up with her tomorrow during the Rotary Club meeting at SUnway Hotel where she will get me acquainted with all the rotarians and I will be introduced to prospective members. The part where I have to make a three minute speech is wrecking my nerves at this point. You don't have to know me well to know how i retaliate when it comes to speeches. One hour/3 minutes, it's all the same. NerVeWrEcKinG!!!!

Lesson Learnt : Always send your kids for toastmasters when they're younger so tht they
never fear public speaking. Never assume that you know everything coz there
is always something new to learn.............

Work's getting more thrilling and rewarding by the day. Yesterday we did some major brainstorming with the PR team. I'm starting to think that I might have a future in PR. Loads of my ideas were accepted by the team... And they even consulted me for sentence construction... I was overwhelmed by all the attention i was getting... Very ego boosting.... LOL But no, i don't walk with my chest thrust out and my nose towards the sky. I'm still humble... Besides, I'm still working amidst genius doctors and psychiatrists and the likes. I'm just a mediocre achiever amidst the high achievers.......

Lesson Learnt : Explore all your options before deciding what you're really good at.

I feel like I'm embracing all the richness of life to the fullest. Keeping busy gives me a rush

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" He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream, and he sometimes wondered whose it was, and whether they were enjoying it." - Douglas Adams

Do you know how many paper cuts I've acquired in the past few weeks??? Tonnes! Gazillions!! Every time I bathe / Wash my hands with soap / engage in any kind of actions involving lather or water, this annoying prickling pain throbs at my fingers.. My nails are unkempt for, I've not been pushing back my cuticles like I used to do religiously and never-been-seen-before fine lines are appearing on the tips of my fingers... Ugh! My hands are suffering the brunt of my erratic job... Yesterday, I so wisely shut the drawer on my finger only to yelp in pain and vow never to set foot within a mile of any drawers at all.... Predictably, i broke the vow right after making it. There're Drawers EvErywhErE!!!!

After all that, I'm still back here on a Saturday morning, praying that my hands will bear with me for two more weeks. Yep, two weeks!!! That's how long I've got left to be a working nomad... And as much as I hate to admit it, I think I'll be missing this place for a bit when I finally snuff the contract out... Zaida was telling me yesterday that the people here treat temps better than they treat their own staff and I'm beginning to think that it's true. Coz they DO treat me well and I've never felt like a stranger in this department. In fact, I actually feel completely at ease with these people.. Plus, on which other job is it possible to sit around and read mags and chat with your subordinates leaving all professionalism aside. And on which job do you get to browse the net til you start discovering gargantuan amounts of stuff and activities and opportunities that you never knew existed. My workload's pretty erratic. Like the weather. You can never predict when it's gonna be a hectic day and when you would just sit around willing for time to pass faster.

Had a meeting with Miss Yang, Pei Ling and Ghazali yesterday where I presented my ideas regarding the Amazing Race. Amazing Race is now officially the brainchild of me.. They accepted my ideas, nodded in agreement and were even pretty amused and supportive when i thought what i had planned was skimming on the edge of absurdity... I feel quite proud actually!!

Made a new friend from customer service today. Been seeing her around and we exchange smiles whenever we cross each other's path. Well, I finally spoke to her today and again... I'm beginning to get used to this....my race was the topic of discussion. Maybe, just maybe, my social circle has the potential to expand beyond my wildest dreams if people just kept wondering what race I am, or if I'm Malaysian at all...

So I'm thinking maybe YOU are right then.. Maybe, just somewhere out there, someone's wishing they were me. Wishing they had the life I was leading. Maybe my life is indeed someone else's dream??

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This post is dedicated to a couple of my friends who I'm so proud of at the moment....

Chyi
Congrats on the whole LWS thingy. I'm sure you worked ur ass off for this and I'm really proud that you're so eager and excited about it. And without a doubt the night will be a huge success although i won't be there to let out the most high pitched shriek ever as soon as you start strutting ur stuff....... My prayers and crossed fingers will alwiz be with you while I'm in Kuching, hopefully not fighting off ne kucings. All the best k, hopefully it'll be a glittery, glam event, just like u want it to be.

Lee Hua
This might be a little late but I really wanna congratulate u on the whole train thingy. I'm so ignorant to have just found out about it, what with you appearing in the mass media and all... But really, I'm so proud to have a friend who's chasing her dream and enjoying every second of it although it involves practically zero sleep and tiresome days. You go girl!!

Jas
Who has currently vanished from my radar... Hope ur well. Was alwiz proud of u for becoming harvard bound...... Can't wait to get there!!

And to all of my other friends who've just existed in my life. Ur mere existence is a blessing in itself....

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"Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger like when you let down a friend.Some of us escape the pain of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past, and sometimes we bury our regret by promising to change your own ways.But, our biggest regrets are not for the things we did -- but, for the things we didn't do. Things we didn't say that could've save someone that we care about. - Adaptation from One Tree Hill Season 4

I was reading all the new quotes from One Tree Hill that I haplessly copied and pasted in a document not too long ago.. Was too lazy to go through them tediously while I was browsing the site so i just copied and pasted mechanically, glassy eyed... At that moment all I was really concerned about was how I had suddenly run out of quotes to start off my blog entries to the point of me digging and rummaging through my brain for my own inventions... Don't ask me why i go through the trouble... Just like Paris Hilton's thing is being bimbotic and Angelina Jolie's thing is being overly benevolic, this is my thing.... Aneeway, I eventually came across the above paragraph and I personally think that it cannot get tru-er than the aforementioned...

There are things in life that i regret doing... Some t0e-curling, cringe worthy things that bring back nothing more than pure humilition everytime the memory is recaptured... But my biggest regrets are not being able or much rather being too fearful to go out there and do stuff that I wanted to....

So to that someone who I kinda jeopardized my friendship with last year, I feel like I owe you an apology... There was a lot to loose and I knew it and still I acted on my emotions without taking so much into consideration... It was not right of me to do what I did and put you in an awkward position.... That said, I have never regretted letting the truth slip. The only thing I would've regretted was if i did not do it. Coz then I would've perpetually felt that there was hope when there was none of it to begin with... I'm glad that we've moved on from that and not let the friendship completely falter....

All that aside.... *sweeps*

Went out with Ad@m a couple of days ago... We've both been so busy, he, catching up with friends and relatives, me, with LEAN club and work (....not that I work every hour, but yea...) so seeing him again was refreshing... It was like finally revisiting a place where all your familiarity lay.. Since it was his turn at picking movies to watch, I ended up with this sick sense of deja vu and jelly legs after watching Die Hard 4.0 and Harry Potter yet again. We ended up walking almost a kilometre to this quaint little cafe at I-dunno0-where after that and we talked and talked and TaLKed and i think i got a little tipsy from all the fruit punch I was downing haphazardly... It felt good to have my bestfriend back. The best thing is, nothing about him has changed. He's still rumpled, smelly ol' @d@m.

The last couple of days have been rather uneventful in the office. The glitter and dust from the workshop has just begun to settle and there's not much ground work for me to cover so mostly i sit in the office and surf the net or when someone else needs to use the PC, I just read the CLEO mags i have stashed in my new vintage bag.... Verry relaxing... Oh, and I've been relocated... Or much rather banished from my original designation. Yup, as cruel as this may sound, I now have no office and am officially transformed into a nomad admin assistant in the Dietetics dept. But before you let slip all those slandering remarks about office politics, neglect and whatnots, i kinda find this amusing.... I'm sure Mas does as well.. She laughs hysterically whenever i shift my stuff from the waiting room to the diet technicians dept and to the consultation room whenever either one is being occupied by someone more senior than i am, which honestly, is like everyone i know..... LOL... But at least I now have more of a social life at work as opposed to last time when i used to be cooped up in that cold cold room, left to stone in front of the PC screen til 5 pm came and I barged outta there....

My work shift has changed as well. Now I only come in at 9 thirty and stay til 6... Which is a good thing... Miss Yang said that due to patient privacy concerns, the new changes were unavoidable... Not that I couldn't be trusted or anything la, it was just a matter of rules... And since they let me go without lecturing me about wearing slippers to work, i think I owe this one to em... Besides, exposure to Sangeetha humming out my name every now and then sends me smiling and giggling... And Daphne confides in me every now and then, about how she regrets not doing pharmacy (.....u see, another person regretting what she DID NOT do) and how people there are sometimes rude to her. I sympathise with her but that's the last thing she needs so instead of conveying my sympathy, i try to encourage her in every way possible...

Made the programme booklet for the two day LEAN camp today and it looks pretty spectacular to me... Still, I don't know what the team would have to say about it.... If they dislike it, I would have to re do the entire thing which I don't mind doing coz that was sorta fun.... My creative juices were floOoOwing... And i think yesterday, Dr. Chow made me write an article regarding my views on the project. Look out for it in Youth 2 -the Star, it just might be published, not totally positive yet... That was a tricky ordeal coz I had to reveal what I really felt about it....

Was a little startled when Pei Ling asked me if i was single or attached today. She just blurted it out and the atmosphere didn't even call for such a question at that particular moment in time... It was like seeking hospitality in an inhospitable environment, if u get my drift... I think she sensed my shock coz she was a lil sheepish after that... But not for long coz later, she asked if i had ever been in a relationship before and i was like, where's all this comin from?!? Nevertheless, I answered and asked her the same questions in return and before you know it, we were chatting like bossom buddies....

Was invited to Mimi and Pei Ling's birthday party after work.. They were having a combined celebration at some Balinese place in Puchong and everyone was persuading me to come along. As much as i wanted to ( why wouldn't I? I'm alwiz up for an outing,....) I really had to forego this one coz surprise surprise, I'm broke... Yes, me, the I-can-never-EVER-resist-an-outing girl finally admits that she's too broke to indulge in her selfish fetish... Sigh...

Come to mama paycheck, come, come.... *entices*

*yawn* I should go now.... Been passing out infront of the tv a lot these days...

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' Been sitting here, can't get u off my mind..... Drove myself insane wishing i could touch the smooth texture and curve of your exterior... But the truth remains..... Your at home and I'm at work!!' - Adapted from lyrics of N'SYNC, Gone... Dedicated to my Heroes cd, sitting promptly on the dusty shelf in my room.....

Yesterday

I took leave from dreary work and spent a day at One U with LeezaSqueeza..... psst.. Checked your blog liz and there was no pictures of us. Pfft! I'm disappointed... Heh... Anywayz, this one's dedicated to you since you think i don't update my bloggie often enough....

Picked her up from Amcorp Mall and together we conquered the wind and asphalt roads to get to One U. Then it was off to GSC to catch Die Hard 4.0 which gets my vote for the Movie Of the Year..... Woooohoooooooo, action from start to beginning, never ending action.... That is just one GREAT movie... Leeza and Esther might think otherwise but i loved it, every second of it. Was at the edge of my seat most of the time and although it was frigid cold in the confines of the cinema, i didn't feel like a hairless (featherless?!??) chicken coz the scenes were smokin' Hawt!!! One fast-ass-cracking computer hacker + one ass-kicking NYPD cop = one helluva great movie. It's like spiderman and mission impossible and speed and matrix (ok, not so much matrix...) mushed up into one fantastico jargon.... There was this one bad-ass villain dude who could swing and flip around like spiderman, only it seemed much faster coz he wasn't swinging around from one big building to another, he was swinging from, like, one storey to another..... And he only spoke french or deutsch or something... He was my fav character la.. Even the way he died was so gory, my heart actually lurched a little.... Ahhhh, the thrills of a great action movie.... Maggie Q hardly talks though does she? She's like this sexy Asian siren who's drenched in mystery in almost every Hollywood movie she appears in. Finally realized why it's called die hard, coz this John McClane really susah mati man! It's like he's invincible or something. So many close shaves and whaddya know, he's still alive and kicking, blood from past nearly-death occurances vanish and broken bones?? What broken bones?? At the rate he's going, he might as well be a human being with nine lives........

After the adrenaline rush, we headed to Paddington's House of Pancakes for lunch. Yummy!!! Liz and i ordered the same thing except she had beef bacon and i had turkey ham to replace the beef bacon... Finally satisfied my craving for pancakes with maple syrup..... Pancakes and waffles are just incomplete with maple syrup... Heavenly!!!!!!!!!!!!

To walk the food off, we headed to MPH in my quest to find the Bagavad Gita... Promised myself to find out more about Hinduism and all religions in general... Anywayz, the religious books could burn a hole the size of Africa in your pockets!!!!!!!! They're ballistically expensive. So i reconsidered and bought a pink vintage bag from the Padini Concept store instead... Putting selfish needs above God!!! Horrible eh? God'll understand that saving money is of utmost important, won't he? Thanks to Liz's persuasion and my voracious appetite for all things vintage and all things which looks like a bag, I now have yet another addition to my huge and growing collection of bags......... Sigh! But yippy-yai-yay!!

Rotaract meeting was next on the agenda. Changed our venue to McDs coz of the conjoined tables. Thank God for conjoined tables!! Ben organized some ice breaking games which did help with the melting in a way and we got along better than expected albeit some people not knowing the rest.... Coolessness... Discussed. Brainstormed. Laughed. Joked. Elected. Discussed next meeting and we were done for the day. Wheeeeeeeee! My verdict : Meeting success....

Went back and watched Herroooesss!!!! Noooo! It;s ending! I totally want Peter Petrelli's powers!!

Today

Supposed to be working... Hee...

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Oliver Wend"ell Holmes once said: Many people die with their music still IN them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live...Before they know it...time runs out." - One Tree Hill Season 3

I feel frumpy.

I miss stoning in front of the tv.

I have no more formal clothes to wear.

My arse feels huuugee.

It's just one of those days.

Not PMS. That's over...

My fingers are bloated.

I need to go.

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