Bridging Fantasy & Reality

I wish I didn't feel like I had to be in control of everything all the time. Aiyo. Exam stress la.

Comments (1) Full article

If I didn't know better, I'd think Auckland is a town for joggers. I don't know how these people have the will and determination to wake up at the crack of dawn and run down the city with their Nikes or Reeboks or whatever it is they wear right in the middle of winter! And speaking of winter, I don't know what's wrong with it! Somedays it's just below 2 degrees and other days you just wanna throw off your coat and run with the wind.

Anyhowzah, things have been good. I just wish my attention span was longer and I didn't sleep so much. That way, I'd be able to maximize my study hours.

I watched Transformers for the 2nd time yesterday. Please don't ask me why. What I will tell you is I enjoyed it more this time around. Perhaps it was the company. Or perhaps it was coz I was so tired from all the studying that watching vehicles transform into autobots was the best damn thing that had happened to me all week.

Whatever the case, I can hardly wait to........

Comments (0) Full article

I am very frustrated right now. Even a trip down to chocolate boutique and then a detour to the arcade with Andrew, Hamannop and Adelynn didn't cut it for me. I didn't get my biopsych essay back today. While all my friends went on and on about how well/badly they had done, I was left stressing about where MY essay had disappeared to.

Never in a thousand years did I expect myself to get into trouble with authority. But I don't have a good feeling this time around. I feel like shouting "fuck the world" from atop a roof somewhere. But I can't. My frustration is just pent up within my tiny balls of fists. Waiting to explode. All I can think of was perhaps I didn't include enough in text citations and now they're going to penalize me for plagiarism. And this is one paper I have to do well in! Knowing that there is a possibility that I might fail is just killing me. You have NO idea. Absolutely no idea. My paranoia has reached fatal levels. I feel like as if I am grappling with impossibility. Hanging on for dear life onto nothing.

What I don't bloody understand is, why leave me in the dark? If I did something wrong, just freaking tell me already. Don't send me from one person to another and then tell me to make an appointment with my lecturer to 'discuss' my essay. eff the world, seriously! I'd think the psychology dept would have more sense than that. How can you just mess with someone during a study break, leave her in the dark and expect a weekend to go by without her freaking out about whether or not she will be failing her core paper?!?!? that is insane ok. How am i supposed to concentrate on anything else? And study. For my other papers?!?

This has never happened to me before. I am now officially shaken to my core, afraid, overwhelmed with anxiety, agitated. you name it. And all I CAN do at this point is wait for my lecturer to get in touch with me. If you're reading this, please say a prayer for me. Coz I think I damn well will be needing it.

verdict will be reported soon. stay tuned.

Comments (0) Full article

somebody used my pot today. to make their spaghetti and i am so freaking pissed. coz that pot was freaking expensive n them leaving it on the sink meant it ran the risk of being discarded in the discard room downstairs where all the other discarded utensils are. n then i realized. omg. karma works in the most amazing of ways. coz i have done some of those things in the past. n just like that my anger subsided. fizzle.

somebody walked into my room today with his/her stinky feet. all this while i was trying to figure out why my room smelled like sock pudding. n when i couldn't figure it out. when i was just too tired to figure it out. i bought an air freshner for my room. so it'd smell like lavendar. n today, that someone walked in again. n for a moment my room smelled like sock pudding. ironically, this person, on whom the smell lingered, was the one person who would not shut up about the smell. but today was different. as soon as i was left alone, the smell was gone. n all that remained was lavendar air freshener. =D

someone asked me out for coffee today. I didn't feel like coffee. but me being me, I craved the attention. n so I hopped along to the coffee shop for a shot of attention. n as i sat there, i felt myself float toward the ceiling and look down at myself. why was i putting myself through this. there was no rush. was a compromise really necessary. and then. just right at that moment. when all those thoughts were flooding my mind. the other walked past. i saw him through the glass window. i'd recognize that face anywhere. those sculpted shoulders, towering over toned abs and tanned arms. yummy. yuck. look at me with all these forbidden thoughts.

yet, his presence left me with a deep sense of curiosity. how he remained so unperturbed in my presence. not a even a flinch where a few others failed to exert composure. the suaveness. the unrelenting silence. the furrowed eyebrows that didn't even let out a whisper. the hint of neuroses. it was all too exciting. and i realized. that i would continue to long for things i could never have. maybe, it was the longing that kept me on my feet. =0 what's frustrating is. i could just have this one in the bag if i wanted it bad enough. so close yet so far away. still. i question myself. is this really something that I want?

Coz there ARE things that I know that i REALLY do want. Like, for instance, getting into the neuropsych class for stage 3 of my degree. I know i really want to study the brain further. no matter how sciencey. but this is no easy feat. 5.0. that's what my GPA should be. and i expect to be surrounded by geniuses if i do gain access. thing is. i am no genius. i thrive solely on sheer hard work. will sheer hardwork make the cut? that's something else i have to think about.

for now. there're the exams to keep my thoughts occupied. n malaysia to look forward to. and i pray to God that nothing else will intrude.

Comments (0) Full article