Bridging Fantasy & Reality

So. I was terminated from work today.

I know. Me saying this without the slightest hint of anger is probably no indication of normalcy. But my bouts of anger are interspersed. Between curiosity and frustration and relief.

Mostly relief. That I don't have to weather outrageous storms (esp in the winter) in order to get to work. Or that I don't have to wake up at that insanely hour anymore just to drag myself to work and do the opening shift. Or that those bossy little gym prat old ladies (oh trust me! old opium seeking ladies decked in gym gear are in NO way docile creatures!) can't tell me to replace the soap/toilet paper and clean the smudges of the mirrors anymore. I think I'll probably puke if I hear the words 'clubware' or 'synchronise' or 'reception' anymore. In fact, if it were possible, I'd probably seek to avoid the gym altogether. But I am one of those endorphin seeking creatures. Not possible.

I am mostly pissed, not at them, but perhaps at myself. For not being assertive enough when times called for it. I think I was too much of a pushover in fulfilling my dutiful obligations. At times I was so feeble as an individual that I felt the real me float up and out of my body just so she could laugh at me from above. I am pissed at myself for outwardly displaying my inexperience in the field of reception (is it even a field?!?!). I am pissed at myself for being intimidated by the situations that were seemingly unfamiliar to me throughout my work stint. It's almost as if every time I sat in that chair and plastered a fake smile on my face while cooing a greeting that immediatly seemed insincere, I was falling into this deep well of vulnerability. Yes. I am a very dramatic person. I think I rank highly on Eysenck's scale of neuroticism. Or perhaps I rank highly on his psychotism scale. Since the question 'do you always think about what other people think of you' is at present not clearly defined within the two.

I am frustrated because, now not only do I have no income being deposited into my account every fortnight, I also have to start PAYING for my gym membership weekly. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. I murdered them damnit!!

Look at me going on and on about this in all my dramatic galore when you don't even know the reason for my liberation from work (yes, that's what I'd like to call it so just go with it!!)... The reason was : I was on a 'temporary' contract and they needed someone with more consultation and training experience who was going to do more hours of work per week. I suppose there could be worse reasons for a termination. Like sleeping off at the front desk. Or having a customer complain about your inefficiency. Or stealing. Does snagging free stuff count as stealing? Coz after I found out about the end of my gym career (yea right!), I decided to come up with an evil plan of mass destruction. There were free hand sanitizers at the front desk. They were for the customers. I took them. Not one. Not two. Not three. I took heaps. It was like emptying the whole basketful into my bag. But they were free. And i am technically a customer now. So no crime. =P

Anyways, I get two days pay without having to work coz they didn't give me two weeks noticed as stated in the contract. AND I think the advantages offsets the disadvantages in a way. Tabulation :

Me with Work
Good pay
Ability to tell people that I have a part time job at a gym
Free gym usage
Beef up resume
rewarding when praised
having to be part of a team of consultants who know their stuff (well, better than i do ne way)
Experience

Me with no Work
Enduring shit working hours is no longer an issue
Better concentration in class due to above
One less worry
Walking to gym in the blithering cold during winter will not be an issue
personal safety taken care off (it's REALLY lonely walking to work at that psychotic hour)
Self confidence and esteem not trashed around like fizzy drink tin cans
not having to be part of a team of catty consultants who revel in petty work politics
the fact that they have to treat me like a queen again. I think it's high time I take the bossy road.

So there. It's off my chest now. Working was good and all. But for now, I think I should just settle for good ol life as a student. And perhaps something else will sway me in it's direction along the way. Things happen for a reason.

The worse thing about all this is that I have to go back to that stink place tomorrow for my last day of work and pretend like none of this ever happened. Three. Hours. More.

If you leave me pity messages in my 'comments' area or in the shoutbox I will give u a black eye. I swear! Just leave me alone.

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