Bridging Fantasy & Reality

So i'm sitting on the couch, trying to concentrate on Photosynthesis and all it's wonders and suddenly my vision is obscured.... Everything's blurry and i feel the warmth in my eyes, drowning my vision. And then a tear slips down my cheek and my vision is back... My eyes still glassy, begging to overflow but i refused to let it.....

No one's at home, everyone's gone somewhere.... Me? Well, i had to study. It was an obligation, not a choice. But more than anything at that point, i needed to vent. I needed to rid myself of all the frustration, mounted in me. I was weak, feeble-unable to deal with it by myself. Why? WHY? WHYYYYYY?

But there's no one. Again the torrid silence fills the air, makes me sick.. And so i cry. Silently, not a sound but i wished so bad that a wail would escape my mouth.... I needed it. I wanted it....
Today, my emotions got the better of me, tomorrow, i won't let it.

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So, let's get straight down to the events that have occured during the past few days....
A few minutes ago ; Aahhhhh! Integration!!! Bwek.....

Today : Jacintha got accepted into Harvard!!! And I made it my business to tell the entire world, caused a ruckus but of the good kind..... She wanted to remain low profile but just like i did for Adam, i refused to let her....
U know what? I kinda hold a grudge against Harvard. That irritatingly perfect place has got some of the most renowned scientists/geniuses and professors in the world, but it won't stop at that. NOOOOO! The place chooses to steal two of my bestest friends as well. And it (the stinking place) didn't even give me at least a year to recover.

Anyway, on a higher note, had lunch and went for a movie with her today. A hearty meal at Nando's, followed by a very exhilarating run of Stomp the Yard (kinda reignited my hopes of becoming a dancer) and then off to grocery shopping, mostly for her but i was glad to help..... She reciprocated by buying me a pine of Baskin Robin's frozen vanilla flavoured yoghurt plus some coffee tasting fusion, which my family finished today btw regardless of me being the only lactose intolerant one in the house........ sigh!

Yesterday : It was picture taking day..... Not my most favourite day in the world but yea, it turned out pretty ok. I don't know why, but i look incredibly horrible in pictures. I'm not saying that i'm a natural stunner in reality neither am i making excuses for my lack of photogenic-ity, but pictures completely distort me. Exams approaching, getting more worried but not worried enough to drown myself in books like Wannitta does everyday. That girl is scary!!!!

Maintaining a platonic relationship with someone is becoming increasingly difficult. Why do i feel obliged to care about him and do stuff for him? Hate myself! I refuse to elaborate. Will not entertain questions/comments...... Did i mention that i hate myself? Coz i do, really.....

A couple of days ago : I adore driving when i'm alone. There's this transformation.... As soon as i insert the key into the ignition, slide on my fake 'oversized' Chanel sunglasses and revv off, another persona consumes me. On the road, i give off the aura of being a super confident, sleek driver. I navigate pride with the wheel and my devil-may-care attitude, although bad, attracts a lot of 'unwanted' and partly 'wanted' attention on the road.. Believe me, i can catch the eye of whoever i wish. It takes tecnhique, a small car to swerve in and out, an awesome sound system with good music and big hair to make the highway your way.... It's something i've mastered surprisingly well.....

Anyway, i stopped at the traffic light right infront of a 'roti' man that day and it really hit me how much i wanted to jump outta my seat and consume all the diverse types of bread that were displayed on the unwieldy bread box of his.... I've never in my life shunned carbs but it's been a looooong time since i've eaten white bread. A gals gotta do what a gals gotta do.....

Also noticed that the ultra huge poster of Rowan Atkinson by Taylor's School of Architecture, Hospitality and Tourism portrayed a lot wrinkles on his garish face. The first thought that came to me was, he's getting older! But then i looked a little closer and realized that the poster was wrinkled at those places........ Speaks loads about how i've started to look past the tiny details that pieces the puzzle together in the first place...

Mom's been nagging me to start scouting for internships already. Considering i have not applied for universities and i've been completely shirking my chores (which she is receptive to compared to most moms), i think it's the least i could do to make her happy. But WHY can't i get myself to do it already. Procrastination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The past few weeks have seen me attending more "un-lively enough" parties. Went to my 2nd (or was it the 3rd?) birthday party at TGIF last saturday. The atmosphere was superb and i must say that everyone was dressed to kill but it did not end up rising to the occassion.... Hmmm, it really gets me wondering.... why do i only seem to enjoy MY parties... that's not entirely true coz i've been to some pretty fantastic parties but nothing beats my my own.... Anywayz, the cake and food were REALLY good. And i had a good time getting to know Esther Pang and Yvonne and Jing brought some laughter to the table. But due to some unforeseen circumstances which i wish to keep private, the party was not as enjoyable as it should have been.

But forget that, i had a fantastic outing with Esther on thursday. We went to register for IELTS, which i will be sitting for in April (shivers) and then we went to our fav place-Paddington's House of Pancakes!!! This place almost seems like our special "bestfriend" destination, altho we've only been there twice together, i still feel like it's our sanctuary. Where we have all our heart to heart talks and bond over absolutely delicious pancakes. I completely recommend the place btw....

Esther's a really good listener. She remains unbiased in her judgement, she comforts without feeling obliged to take your side and she gives really great advice...... So Esther, if you ever do read this, i just wanna let u know that i really appreciate you as a friend. I believe we will be good friends for a long time....

Gotta run, about to have dinner with Jacintha now.....

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I fell ill on Thursday and nothing else mattered more than sleep and popping pills. It was indeed a very difficult time.... My throat felt like it had been walked over by a thousand women wearing spiked stilettos, my nose felt like it was a tap with and endless suppy of fresh mucous (sry! don't mean to disgust but it's the truth), the mother of all migraines sat deftly on my head and my ears made this ticking noise convincing me that somewhere within my feeble body was a time bomb, waiting to explode and end my life, not to mention the misery that came with the fever....

I was diagnosed with troath ulcers. Great! That meant, lotsa sleeping, no physical activity what so ever and no contact with any normal homo sapien other than the occupants of my house. The next day saw me wrapped tightly within my comforter, prying for the very least bit of warmth that came from the cotton drapes. No classes, no friends, no good food! Sigh! I think i was left to hibernate the entire day. Seriously, i had no idea how much sleep i had in me. Sleep felt like it could go on forever and ever..... My eyes were droopy 24/7 except for tv time when i forcefully pried them opened, determined to watch a rerun of Ross and Rachel doing the infamous rap of 'Baby Got Back'.

Sadly, i also had to forego the CNY visitation to my chem lecturer's house today as well as the rotaract 'prevention against snatch theft' outing.... Sigh! The sacrifices that have to be made in the name of health. Plus, i feel completely unfit at the moment. My legs almost crave the aches that come after a good jog, i can feel em protesting already. I will give into their hapless demands today-one hour of gym work for me!

The fact that most of my college friends text messaged me to just find out how i was doing was very very sweet. Their pledges for me to keep alive, drink gallons of water and to take care was such a thoughful gesture. Thanks guys! Love u to bits! See y'all soon....

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