A different kind
4:46 PM
I had to say the saddest goodbye yesterday. I'd understand if most of you cannot comprehend. After all. You've probably been in my life longer, especially if you're reading this right now. So why was this goodbye different from the amicable ones that I am sure to have with the majority of you?
It's coz the one I had yesterday was filled with uncertainty. And the ones that I usually have are more likely to be filled with security. When i say goodbye to friends, I'm either sure that I will be seeing them again (good friends) or certain that I might not (acquaintances). When I say goodbye to family, I know that it's merely a word that I utter coz my family NEVER leaves me. At least the support of mine have far exceeded my expectations.
But when I said goodbye yesterday, all that I felt was a lingering uncertainty. No tears. No emotions. Just uncertainty. Will I feel that boundless sense of security again? That freedom of speech that never offended despite it's bends and twists? Those moments of laughter that felt like it could never end? That spontaneity and sense of adventure? Those perfectly tamed virile fingers around my short stumpy ones? (plz feel free to gag) Long drives into nothingness? Conversations and shared views that went beyond any other?
Forget. Will I be able to forget the gazes that made me feel like I was worth a million diamonds and counting? The discomfort in my tummy that seemed to increase with intensity? The possibilities?
Let go. Will I be able to let go of the sense knowing that all this was only a car ride away. Or a cheap phone call away. Or even a text message away. The surety. The memories. The person.
Perhaps. Perhaps not. Just like it began. Like the summer. It ended. No clarity. Brief. Momentary. With a covenant. To remain the best of friends. Like mature, concerting adults. I am surprised at the level of maturity that I, myself have developed. How my expectations are in check. My composure never withering. At the end of the day, I followed my heart. And kept my head exactly where it needed to be - in place.
In so many different ways, this was one of the best things to have happened in my life. It renewed my faith. Like an urgent remedy for my distrust. It came swivelling. Bringing back the belief that sometimes, life has tiny surprises that pushes you off course. Coz if there's one, there's probably a lot more. And just like he says, if there were good times, then there's probably MUCH better times to come.
Yes. We will meet again. We might not be the same people. Things are unlikely to ever be just like how it was. But for those times, let there be memories. Experiences. Resonating laughter. And pictures. I am content now.
It's coz the one I had yesterday was filled with uncertainty. And the ones that I usually have are more likely to be filled with security. When i say goodbye to friends, I'm either sure that I will be seeing them again (good friends) or certain that I might not (acquaintances). When I say goodbye to family, I know that it's merely a word that I utter coz my family NEVER leaves me. At least the support of mine have far exceeded my expectations.
But when I said goodbye yesterday, all that I felt was a lingering uncertainty. No tears. No emotions. Just uncertainty. Will I feel that boundless sense of security again? That freedom of speech that never offended despite it's bends and twists? Those moments of laughter that felt like it could never end? That spontaneity and sense of adventure? Those perfectly tamed virile fingers around my short stumpy ones? (plz feel free to gag) Long drives into nothingness? Conversations and shared views that went beyond any other?
Forget. Will I be able to forget the gazes that made me feel like I was worth a million diamonds and counting? The discomfort in my tummy that seemed to increase with intensity? The possibilities?
Let go. Will I be able to let go of the sense knowing that all this was only a car ride away. Or a cheap phone call away. Or even a text message away. The surety. The memories. The person.
Perhaps. Perhaps not. Just like it began. Like the summer. It ended. No clarity. Brief. Momentary. With a covenant. To remain the best of friends. Like mature, concerting adults. I am surprised at the level of maturity that I, myself have developed. How my expectations are in check. My composure never withering. At the end of the day, I followed my heart. And kept my head exactly where it needed to be - in place.
In so many different ways, this was one of the best things to have happened in my life. It renewed my faith. Like an urgent remedy for my distrust. It came swivelling. Bringing back the belief that sometimes, life has tiny surprises that pushes you off course. Coz if there's one, there's probably a lot more. And just like he says, if there were good times, then there's probably MUCH better times to come.
Yes. We will meet again. We might not be the same people. Things are unlikely to ever be just like how it was. But for those times, let there be memories. Experiences. Resonating laughter. And pictures. I am content now.
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