This One's for YOU, mom!
5:22 AM
Missing you both to bits!I know mother's day has long passed us all but I don't get to do this everyday. And as children we're supposed to tell our parents how much we love them and appreciate them every single day. How our world is at their feet and how living without them is living in a world with no air (hahahah, ok, I stole that from Jordin Sparks' 'No Air'). But I don't do it everyday.
I was never one with parents. For as long as I can remember, I've only had a parent. But this story is heading nowhere down that sad, pathetic road where I revel in self pity. The only problem I had with having one parent instead of two is other people having a problem with it....
Fact is, I am probably one of the luckiest people on this planet. Because my mom is a superduperhero. At least to me and my sister she is and I don't expect her to be anyone else's saviour anyway. She's like mystique from X-men (minus the bad stuff and the blue-ness). She's a mom AND a dad amongst many other things. They say you can't have it all. But I know this is not true, coz she has it all. Job. Skills. Strength.
And speaking of strength, I've always thought of strength as something you can measure by having a hideously buff person prying jail bars open (just this random image in my head)... Nope. strength comes from within. And if there's someone who epitomises strength, my mom is the perfect candidate. In all honest truth, the amount of it she has is baffling. How can someone be constantly hurt by people she thought she could trust and still stand tall merely taking caution from the experience. How can she so swiftly pick up the pieces of her life when it came crashing down, not one or two times, but many many times? How did she support us and herself knowing that she had only herself to depend on, both financially and in terms of security?
I wish I could say she came out of it with just a few wrinkles on her face and crows feet settling at the corner of her eyes. But I can't even say THAT! Because my mom looks like she hit 30 and then never aged another day. Which technically means, hehe, I have good genes!
Irony. Sometimes, when I sit down in my room and think about calling home, the phone starts ringing. The connection is telepathic to the point of freakiness. Just when I need it, I receive a letter bombarded with affirmations. Thanks to mom, my wall's full of affirmations. I've always been a huge fan of affirmations, from shows, books, the works. But my mom actually comes up with them! I can fill a book! Hmmm. Maybe I will.
Freedom. When it came to me, I had all the freedom in the world. Trust. The freedom stemed from trust. She had a vast amount of trust in me. You know the feeling where you're holding on for dear life on a glass vase just coz someone else wagered that you'd break it? I felt that I had to hold on for dear life to that trust. Because I had it. You were smart mom! The freedom I had taught me my limits. The limits I broke earned me life long lessons. The trust never faltered.
My mom not only provided me with what I needed. She gave me all that I wanted. And not once did she make it feel like I owed her anything. Not once did she let me worry about things going dreadfully wrong. Never did she stop etching hope within me, willing me to look on the positive side. A cup half full. It was almost as if all my worries were perpetually siphoned into a bermuda triangle within her. And exactly that I was prevented from experiencing. The turbulent waves of woe that swept her insides. The 'what ifs' that plagued her mind to the point of perpetual migraines. The twists and turns when dawn became dusk and everyone else slept soundly.
Even as I am here she finds ways to just be there. She's in the bounce of my steps. She's in my mail, weekly. She's the wind that brushes past my cheeks in the still of the night. She's there in my head, willing me to think straight. She's here with me right now, with the tap of my fingers. And with that, I have always known that I will never be alone. And never have been. Her love travels leaps and bounds, and is great enought to make a hundred trips down the great barrier reef before reaching me.
I know today is not mother's day. It's just an ordinary day. Just an ordinary day that I picked to tell my mom how terribly proud I am of her for sticking in there, despite the hundreds of jars of pickles that she had to make and the hundreds of 'room-to-let' flyers she had to post up and the part time jobs in the hospital and the failed interviews and the umpteenth times she had to travel to and from Seremban and for believing in herself given the tumultuous circumstances. I knew that the day when the call bearing this awesome news would come was not far.
Congratulations Mummy! I am so very very proud of you! I am me because of you. And it's your drive that keeps pushing me forward. To take an extra step. To give it a little more when I feel like I just can't seem to. Just so I can be half the person that you are. You're an inspiration. A legend. And I will shout it from the top of a building if I have to.
This is a far too concise post on the reasons you're so great. It could go on and on. When you told me, I was so ecstatic, I went to everyone's rooms and started jumping up and down. This doesn't mean I will be spending more money over here. It just means that I knew you could do it.
PS : if you;re wondering what all the hype's about. It's about my mom getting a new job which pays (fuyoh) decently and allows her to travel to 14 different countries *waitforitwaitforit* New Zealand being one of them.
PPS : I feel so fabulous I'm afraid I might jinx it.
PPPS: Friends are coming by mini packages of tsunami wrapped in a box (if u know what i mean) and unfortunately, so is workload. I predict a mad rush in.......right about. NOW.
PPPPS: UMSA Ball coming up. Why am I such a ball person? Sigh!
PPPPPS: Just signed up for a victim support volunteer which, if all goes well, will assist in honing my clinical psychological skills. I REALLY want this. *crossed fingers*
PPPPPPS: If you haven't already guessed, my mom reads my blog and I can't say I'm too bothered by it. And if you're on my blog roll, she prolly reads yours too. LOL.
God is great!
2 comments:
and i thought where you were..so you were there..typing this long touching post away..and yes i agree that your mum is a superduperhero..have never seen a parent looks after their children like your mum did..she could be a role model and all the four parenting styles that we studied can be scraped away =p
and dmeeee told you frens would come =) and all the best with the volunteer work..hope you nail it cause it sounds really good =)
and oh if you're reading this.hi aunty =) and congrats on the job!
hey cassiee!!
I was always here la. Jst tht my pc got attacked by a worm and I couldn't go online coz the spyware went bonkers. But all's good now.
Haha. Yea. Me is lucky. N u were right. Yet again. Thanks Cass! Missing u. R v still going thru with our travelling plans once i get back?
It's easier for u guys to talk it thru n plan since ur all there. I'm ok with ne thing. S long s it;s cheap. LOL.
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