My Fire's flickering but it's NOT going out
7:18 PM
" Do not let your fire go out,
Spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite,
the not yet, and the not at all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved
and never have been able to reach.
The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours" - extracted from One Tree Hill Season 3
Wow! I've missed my blog. Feel like i've been out for the longest time ever... Been studying a lot. I owe it to myself considering how badly i did for the mocks. My performance for the Mock examination this time around is the worst i've ever done in my entire life. I've beaten all my records and literally thrown my self worth to the dumps. My grades came back worse than ever, almost as horrendous as i expected them to be (this is normally not the case coz i always expect the worse case scenario). I think each time i received a paper, i had like a mini inner heart attack and my heart performed a little tap dance in my chest. Very disappointing. Even Miss Irma told me that i did not match her expectations in terms of performance.... But she was very encouraging when i went to her for comfort after receiving my papers. She told me that there was still time and anything IS possible regardless of how impossible they may seem. I'm starting to find truth in her words despite being verry skeptical at first....
Funny! I had the urge to cry upon receiving some of my papers but i couldn't. I just couldn't shed a tear, couldn't release the frustration within me.... I was very disappointed, agitated, scream-into-a-pillow frustrated but there was nothing i could do about it. All i could do was take it and will myself to do better. I've been very hard on myself these past few weeks. My inner critic has gone berserk. She's a b**** alright. "You're not good enough! You're going to fail-you always do! Look! They're all better than you! You suck to the core! You're a good-for-nothing! Stupid! That's what you are!". Man! if only i had a special magical knife to stab her without hurting myself..........
Initially i was confused, it's not like i didn't study. I did! Albeit, a lot of last minute cramming. But then i realized that doing well is not merely confined to that. Of course, studying IS essential (who am i kiddin), but it's not the only thing that will help you get through..... The realization helped me come up with a list of what not to do before going into that exam hall and acing those papers. The chair you're sitting on might feel like the ones the prisoners sit on before they get executed via electrocution, the ground might feel like it's swaying beneath your feet and the test paper staring back at you may seem like your very life hanging on a thread but just by overcoming those first few moments of anxiety, you're halfway there...(OHMIGOD! Suddenly, this weird image of the sperm head penetrating the zona pelucida of an ovum via digestion through secretion of hydrolytic enzymes just entered my head. So weird!!!!!!) But I guess you can think of it that way... The journey of the sperm is toughest at the beginning but when it enters the ovum then, 'selamba' only right? I think the same applies to exam situations... Clammy hands, nervous apprehension, inappropriate breathing techniques set in during the first few minutes, after that, you just roll with the ball.........
So here's my oh-so-'useful' list : )
1. Do not sit for a paper thinking you're gonna screw up/fail. Even if you've not studied enough,
just be confident that you WILL be able to score for the chapters that you have studied for.
Psychology plays a big part here, think you're gonna mess up and you will...
2. DONOT drink coffee/consume caffeine before any of your papers (esp if ur not used to having caffeine in your system) It only worsens the anxiety and causes you to panic under high
pressure circumstances.... (i had a bad experience with coffee during my pure math paper)
3. Stop cramming at least an hour before exams. This is normally what the lecturers advice us
to do, yet we choose to ignore it... At my expense, cramming before exams has only succeeded
in confusing me even more, sometimes, even about the topics in which my strengths lie....
4. DONOT discuss your answers with friends. This gets you unnecessarily worked up...
5. Sleep early so that you can think clearly for your papers. Easier said than done but yea....
6. When you're doing the questions, DONOT leave the ones that you do know for later, simply
coz they're just too simple. Do them then and there, there may not be a 'later'
7. If you find yourself panicking, take a second, breathe and tell yourself that you just need to do
your best coz God will do the rest.
8. If it helps, say a prayer before every paper. It's what i always do, helps to provide inner calm
9. Read questions and underline what the questions requires you to answer, takes only a few
secs.
10. Lastly, just remember that exams aren't everything, do your best and keep your fingers
crossed.... Bill Gates and Einstein weren't geniuses to begin with but they didn't let a couple
grades deter them or define them as individuals.
Here's a shout out to all my a levels buddies, enemies, wtv, we're all in this together... SO all the best for A2, come out alive and ready to enter another phase of life altogether.
*Sigh* Last week of college next week. Sadness, relief, nostalgia all jumbled up within me....
Special thanks to Jacintha Tagal and Nathaniel Jameson for their comforting gestures and advice. Thanks for coaxing me to a certain extent to start believing in my potential again. Been feeling dumb/stupid/inadequate a lot lately- thanks for coping with my silly antics and sometimes, over-the-top drama queen fits...
In the words of Shereen Asha : "Will be back after June 13th". I've officially banned myself from the net!
Dimi out! (ps: my fire's burning, bright and ferociously.......)
Spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite,
the not yet, and the not at all.
Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved
and never have been able to reach.
The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours" - extracted from One Tree Hill Season 3
Wow! I've missed my blog. Feel like i've been out for the longest time ever... Been studying a lot. I owe it to myself considering how badly i did for the mocks. My performance for the Mock examination this time around is the worst i've ever done in my entire life. I've beaten all my records and literally thrown my self worth to the dumps. My grades came back worse than ever, almost as horrendous as i expected them to be (this is normally not the case coz i always expect the worse case scenario). I think each time i received a paper, i had like a mini inner heart attack and my heart performed a little tap dance in my chest. Very disappointing. Even Miss Irma told me that i did not match her expectations in terms of performance.... But she was very encouraging when i went to her for comfort after receiving my papers. She told me that there was still time and anything IS possible regardless of how impossible they may seem. I'm starting to find truth in her words despite being verry skeptical at first....
Funny! I had the urge to cry upon receiving some of my papers but i couldn't. I just couldn't shed a tear, couldn't release the frustration within me.... I was very disappointed, agitated, scream-into-a-pillow frustrated but there was nothing i could do about it. All i could do was take it and will myself to do better. I've been very hard on myself these past few weeks. My inner critic has gone berserk. She's a b**** alright. "You're not good enough! You're going to fail-you always do! Look! They're all better than you! You suck to the core! You're a good-for-nothing! Stupid! That's what you are!". Man! if only i had a special magical knife to stab her without hurting myself..........
Initially i was confused, it's not like i didn't study. I did! Albeit, a lot of last minute cramming. But then i realized that doing well is not merely confined to that. Of course, studying IS essential (who am i kiddin), but it's not the only thing that will help you get through..... The realization helped me come up with a list of what not to do before going into that exam hall and acing those papers. The chair you're sitting on might feel like the ones the prisoners sit on before they get executed via electrocution, the ground might feel like it's swaying beneath your feet and the test paper staring back at you may seem like your very life hanging on a thread but just by overcoming those first few moments of anxiety, you're halfway there...(OHMIGOD! Suddenly, this weird image of the sperm head penetrating the zona pelucida of an ovum via digestion through secretion of hydrolytic enzymes just entered my head. So weird!!!!!!) But I guess you can think of it that way... The journey of the sperm is toughest at the beginning but when it enters the ovum then, 'selamba' only right? I think the same applies to exam situations... Clammy hands, nervous apprehension, inappropriate breathing techniques set in during the first few minutes, after that, you just roll with the ball.........
So here's my oh-so-'useful' list : )
1. Do not sit for a paper thinking you're gonna screw up/fail. Even if you've not studied enough,
just be confident that you WILL be able to score for the chapters that you have studied for.
Psychology plays a big part here, think you're gonna mess up and you will...
2. DONOT drink coffee/consume caffeine before any of your papers (esp if ur not used to having caffeine in your system) It only worsens the anxiety and causes you to panic under high
pressure circumstances.... (i had a bad experience with coffee during my pure math paper)
3. Stop cramming at least an hour before exams. This is normally what the lecturers advice us
to do, yet we choose to ignore it... At my expense, cramming before exams has only succeeded
in confusing me even more, sometimes, even about the topics in which my strengths lie....
4. DONOT discuss your answers with friends. This gets you unnecessarily worked up...
5. Sleep early so that you can think clearly for your papers. Easier said than done but yea....
6. When you're doing the questions, DONOT leave the ones that you do know for later, simply
coz they're just too simple. Do them then and there, there may not be a 'later'
7. If you find yourself panicking, take a second, breathe and tell yourself that you just need to do
your best coz God will do the rest.
8. If it helps, say a prayer before every paper. It's what i always do, helps to provide inner calm
9. Read questions and underline what the questions requires you to answer, takes only a few
secs.
10. Lastly, just remember that exams aren't everything, do your best and keep your fingers
crossed.... Bill Gates and Einstein weren't geniuses to begin with but they didn't let a couple
grades deter them or define them as individuals.
Here's a shout out to all my a levels buddies, enemies, wtv, we're all in this together... SO all the best for A2, come out alive and ready to enter another phase of life altogether.
*Sigh* Last week of college next week. Sadness, relief, nostalgia all jumbled up within me....
Special thanks to Jacintha Tagal and Nathaniel Jameson for their comforting gestures and advice. Thanks for coaxing me to a certain extent to start believing in my potential again. Been feeling dumb/stupid/inadequate a lot lately- thanks for coping with my silly antics and sometimes, over-the-top drama queen fits...
In the words of Shereen Asha : "Will be back after June 13th". I've officially banned myself from the net!
Dimi out! (ps: my fire's burning, bright and ferociously.......)
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