Bridging Fantasy & Reality

Me and Leez a couple of days ago, at our Laundry 'outing'. The buggy sunnies were hers.

It’s sunny today! Ok, well not really sunny sunny, but it sure beats all those other gloomy days. I don’t think gloomy works for me. I think the weather sorta defines my mood each day. Really! Lately, it’s been happening a lot. Me, reflecting the weather. Maybe it’s coz of the studying? Not much studying, pfft, but let’s just say, it’s finally beginning to reside in my conscience that I have 9 days left before my SAT subject tests. And for some reason, I feel like I’m sucking at Math more than I used to. Maybe it’s all psychological. Once bitten, twice shy. And may I stress, I used to adore Math…. Before the A levels that is. I can’t agree with the time limit. Felt like a failure while timing myself yesterday. *Sobs*

Anyway, I went to see my agent at JMec or something like that yesterday. And instead of submitting my documents to the University of Auckland, which was my initial plan, I took a detour and submitted documents to the University of Adelaide and to the University of Tasmania in Australia. Wait! Don’t call me a hypocrite yet. There’s a perfectly logical explanation for all this, or at least I think so. Before submitting my documents, I spoke to one of the counselors there. And she was kind enough to go over the expenses of alllll the universities in Australia and NZ with me. And whaddya know? One year at Auckland uni with tuition fees + living expenses = BOMB. In Adelaide, full scholarships are offered, although my chances for this is slim coz a perfect A levels score is preferred. But tuition fee is still a lot cheaper and cost of living is affordable. Same goes for UTAS, where tuition fee is even cheaper.

My mom asked me to go ahead and apply to Auckland. There was still a very very very slim chance of me acquiring a scholarship. But considering the competitiveness of the scholarships and the fact that my score was an AABaa and not an AAAa or an AAAAa makes my chance even slimmer. *Sigh*

As I was speaking to the agent though, I realized how much more I wanted to be in the US where financial aid was available in abundance. Weird that the agent herself began to realize this as the discussion progressed. And she advised me against rushing to complete my education just coz of peer pressure. What she said was something similar to what Mike expressed to me on msn days ago. And yes, I do get the hunch that I am rushing this unnecessarily just to get over with the decision. Thing is, all this while, I thought it was merely my indecisiveness that was creating this whole complex. I’ve been self absorbed. I didn’t think that financial issues were going to hinder me from furthering my studies at a reputable institution. But it is. Because whether I like it or not, I am being funded by a single parent who will be paying for my education through her nose. So there!

Anyhow, all these options are driving me insanely out of my wits. The last time I pondered, I thought of signing up at HELP for psychology while waiting for my US applications to come in. If only this were as easy as making a choice between signing up at Taylors or Sunway for A levels.

Are you yawning yet? The fact that you’ve read this much only means that you now MUST proceed.

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