People Always Leave
6:51 PM
"When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone" -Tennessee Williams
" Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone" - Octavio Paz
Agoraphobia. Technophobia. Claustrophobia. I've always wondered what my one, solitary greatest fear was/is. After all, no man is fearless, right? So, everytime my friends revealed their phobias to me, I would intentionally check to see if I had the same fear, just so that I knew I somehow 'belonged' to a certain group/category.
For a while, this took me on an identity crisis roller coaster ride. When I was younger, I was almost sure that I feared water. The murky reflection staring back at me everytime I looked into the viscous fluid scared me to death. That was until my swimming coach back then, allowed me to hang on to his taut torso while he doused us both into the frigid cold. I thought I could die from inhaling the strongly chlorinated water. Whenever we surfaced, I wailed with all my might and stared dubiously at my parents. Were they actually about to allow their first born to die this way?!?? But as time went by and I slowly mastered the art of exhaling underwater, I became obsessed with it. Becoming the water's best friend was the best thing that had ever happened to me coz that was how I earned my other best friend.
It wasn't difficult for me to guess that I had no problems with heights what so ever considering the first thing I did when I moved into a high rise apartment was lean so far out of the balcony that my mom shrieked in trepidation in fear of me falling to my death. I ravished how Wannitta squirmed and inched against the wall everytime she was remotely close to anything that spelt H-E-I-G-H-T.
I discovered my mom was claustrophobic when I was 12 and we went to Disneyland in Anaheim, California with my cousins. She was nauseous and began crying, to which I reacted in sheer shock, especially since my sis and I thought we were in paradise at that precise moment. So obviously, claustrophobic is something I'm not. Still, I pity Nirms and other claustros out there who may not be able to visit Disneyland, EVER!
For a long while I was trapped in the context of me being completely terrified of speaking in public. Adam was kind enough to show me the art of bending paper clips behind your back while speaking, which was what he did to get over it but it didn't work for me. I recently discovered that my 'fear of public speaking' was a mere fright of being judged and self conscious when preened by a large crowd. Something almost everyone goes through in life.
At present, I finally think I know what my one, true fear is. Being alone. I enjoy my own company at all costs, don't get me wrong. But in the long term, I don't think I can cope. But people are leaving.... My, once, huge circle of friends seems to be getting smaller and smaller. Soon, I might only have acquaintances and no more true friends.
Still, Congratulations and All the Best to
Sunisha - dentistry in India
Gulshreen - dentistry in India
Christine - Medicine in UK
Florence - Medicine in Prague
Wen Wei - not sure in UK
Ling - Genetics in UK
Wan Yin and Xing Rou - not sure in UK
Yvonne - Econs in UK
Jacintha - liberal arts n sciences in US
Felisha - liberal arts n sciences in US
Mabel - Law in Cambridge
Presumably, the next batch is about to leave in Jan/Feb to australia and that would be almost all my friends, really. Shame on me for not sitting for the SATs and applying for unis ever since last year. Sigh.
I guess I have to agree with Ben that I kinda hate being the one left behind as well. But that's not gonna make me stoop to the level of just applying to a place just so that I can get going with everyone else. I may be starting later but wtv it is, I'll still be graduating at the same time or maybe even earlier than those pursuing a Medical degree. Heee.
Went to Leez's house yesterday to get the Rotaract t shirt project kicking off and I fell in love with her dog all over again! Oh, those sweet, innocent looking eyes! If only I were a dog..... Sigh
Anyways, I managed to snag millions of dvds from her. Having watched the whole season 4 of OTH and completely fallen for the charms of Chase Adams, I am now riddled with the tv bug and can't seem to pull myself off the couch. I'm practically fused with it!!!
Huh?? What SATs test???
So I'm all game for my marathon with the Hollywood clan. Hurrahs!
No worries, I still frequent the gym, pool and squash court just so I don't end up overly neglected in the process. And I just started using the walkman feature on my cell phone... AND I found my BRATs cert in the postbox today. Such cheap thrills that I've suddenly developed a craze for.
Plus, my fetish for novels have been reenacted. Which means my allowance is gonna run out early this month.
PS: Cass, will do the tag thing in my next post. I can't and refuse to think of 'my type' now. My interest has dwindled considerably and I'm running late....
Laters!
" Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone" - Octavio Paz
Agoraphobia. Technophobia. Claustrophobia. I've always wondered what my one, solitary greatest fear was/is. After all, no man is fearless, right? So, everytime my friends revealed their phobias to me, I would intentionally check to see if I had the same fear, just so that I knew I somehow 'belonged' to a certain group/category.
For a while, this took me on an identity crisis roller coaster ride. When I was younger, I was almost sure that I feared water. The murky reflection staring back at me everytime I looked into the viscous fluid scared me to death. That was until my swimming coach back then, allowed me to hang on to his taut torso while he doused us both into the frigid cold. I thought I could die from inhaling the strongly chlorinated water. Whenever we surfaced, I wailed with all my might and stared dubiously at my parents. Were they actually about to allow their first born to die this way?!?? But as time went by and I slowly mastered the art of exhaling underwater, I became obsessed with it. Becoming the water's best friend was the best thing that had ever happened to me coz that was how I earned my other best friend.
It wasn't difficult for me to guess that I had no problems with heights what so ever considering the first thing I did when I moved into a high rise apartment was lean so far out of the balcony that my mom shrieked in trepidation in fear of me falling to my death. I ravished how Wannitta squirmed and inched against the wall everytime she was remotely close to anything that spelt H-E-I-G-H-T.
I discovered my mom was claustrophobic when I was 12 and we went to Disneyland in Anaheim, California with my cousins. She was nauseous and began crying, to which I reacted in sheer shock, especially since my sis and I thought we were in paradise at that precise moment. So obviously, claustrophobic is something I'm not. Still, I pity Nirms and other claustros out there who may not be able to visit Disneyland, EVER!
For a long while I was trapped in the context of me being completely terrified of speaking in public. Adam was kind enough to show me the art of bending paper clips behind your back while speaking, which was what he did to get over it but it didn't work for me. I recently discovered that my 'fear of public speaking' was a mere fright of being judged and self conscious when preened by a large crowd. Something almost everyone goes through in life.
At present, I finally think I know what my one, true fear is. Being alone. I enjoy my own company at all costs, don't get me wrong. But in the long term, I don't think I can cope. But people are leaving.... My, once, huge circle of friends seems to be getting smaller and smaller. Soon, I might only have acquaintances and no more true friends.
Still, Congratulations and All the Best to
Sunisha - dentistry in India
Gulshreen - dentistry in India
Christine - Medicine in UK
Florence - Medicine in Prague
Wen Wei - not sure in UK
Ling - Genetics in UK
Wan Yin and Xing Rou - not sure in UK
Yvonne - Econs in UK
Jacintha - liberal arts n sciences in US
Felisha - liberal arts n sciences in US
Mabel - Law in Cambridge
Presumably, the next batch is about to leave in Jan/Feb to australia and that would be almost all my friends, really. Shame on me for not sitting for the SATs and applying for unis ever since last year. Sigh.
I guess I have to agree with Ben that I kinda hate being the one left behind as well. But that's not gonna make me stoop to the level of just applying to a place just so that I can get going with everyone else. I may be starting later but wtv it is, I'll still be graduating at the same time or maybe even earlier than those pursuing a Medical degree. Heee.
Went to Leez's house yesterday to get the Rotaract t shirt project kicking off and I fell in love with her dog all over again! Oh, those sweet, innocent looking eyes! If only I were a dog..... Sigh
Anyways, I managed to snag millions of dvds from her. Having watched the whole season 4 of OTH and completely fallen for the charms of Chase Adams, I am now riddled with the tv bug and can't seem to pull myself off the couch. I'm practically fused with it!!!
Huh?? What SATs test???
So I'm all game for my marathon with the Hollywood clan. Hurrahs!
No worries, I still frequent the gym, pool and squash court just so I don't end up overly neglected in the process. And I just started using the walkman feature on my cell phone... AND I found my BRATs cert in the postbox today. Such cheap thrills that I've suddenly developed a craze for.
Plus, my fetish for novels have been reenacted. Which means my allowance is gonna run out early this month.
PS: Cass, will do the tag thing in my next post. I can't and refuse to think of 'my type' now. My interest has dwindled considerably and I'm running late....
Laters!
2 comments:
wen wei is doing actuarial science and wan yin and xing rou are doing pharmacy...
and don't be so pessimistic..your frens would still be your frens no matter where they are...doesn't matter..and i'm not going anywhere.
Satu Pokok Bukit nice ar??? hahah amore for girls i think.. well Smallville season 7 is coming.. and make sure u dun miss Kyle XY also.. i wonder when House MD is coming....
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