Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Delusional, Deranged, all sucked up...

5:21 AM

OHmigod! Petzilla's xanga site is so freakin funny! I just had the hugest and most satisfying silent laugh in my entire life............. Which is what i needed so so so so so badly after the 'ultra super sucky' day that today turned out to be......

Today was crap in terms of productivity. I basically got nothing done and i was planning to get LOADS done so mission so not accomplished!!!!!!!!!!! ROar! (hey this song is kinda nice-the one by Elliot Yamin of AI last season) Anyway, back to the subject matter....... I think i was pretty stoned today... I just sat there in the library, my eyes going over and over the same paragraph on the advanced bio book propped in front of me. ANd then i realized that i wasn't moving, time was, but my mind was just stuck in the same phase.... there were/are so many thoughts rushing at the back of my mind...... It was just so impossible to concentrate. So we went for lunch, Manda, Chelle, Jas and me. The mood was so sombre, it was eerily quiet... like every one of us had so much on our minds-like we were all so self absorbed in our own tiny little worlds that nothing else mattered......... Anywayz, bumped into Wannitta later and she didn't have anyone to have lunch with so i felt obliged to follow her la. I'd never want to eat ALL by myself so i didn't expect her to either..........

I flipped through cleo - the most 'eligible' bachelor issue while she ate and i started to wonder, "where in the world did ALL the cute guys go?" I mean like seriously!!!! Where have they all gone? It's almost as if some kinda plague wiped them off the face of the earth into some parallel universe which i would so gladly like to migrate to...... I feel so deprived! I just want to... AAAAAAAAAaaaaaNyyaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhffjdkfghuurrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhher
eaghrfyyygidrhgikdfjlxghaeori;oio0ier39wrioewatttttttttttttttttttttttttttiwefjdklgjdfkghjfkgh

*deep breath*

All i felt like doing today was snapping at people. I'm an ANGRY soul right now. I have all this pent up frustration in me. All i feel is pity pity, piety pity.... if u say it long enough, it sounds like PD... pity pity pity pity pity pity peedee pdee peedeee, PD. I wish i was in PD now, floating in the ocean, the dirty dirty ocean with miscellaneous stuff floating in it.... U know, in a way this anger is making me really really crazyyyyyyy.... so this entree is gonna b full of crap.

Had a small tiff with my mom yesterday... I'm so bothered by it, we used to be so close and now i feel myself drifting away, from the comfort i once knew. Am actually beginning to wonder where my dad is.... And that's not good coz i only start wondering about him when my life begins to really suck or when i have grades to boast about (....my mom stopped making a big deal outta my grades after SPM, i think now i'm just expected to do well). That, an apparently finish allll the house chores at the same time........ I'm sick of it! Perfection! So overrated! I'm not perfect..

I've made a decision based on the fact that all the guys in my life suck right now... I'm going to repel any sort of guys beginning today. The alpha male, the beta male, the gamma male, the u-can't-get-enough-of-me male, the i'm-so-popular-tht-ur-just-a-vague-shadow male, the fake ones, the now-u-c-me-now-u-don't male, u get my drift......... ALL the men in my life have sucked to this very date (sry Adam! ur not counted u lil Harvard smartypants). Starting today, i will NOT initiate eye contact with ne male unless they happen to be my lecturers, the security guards to my apartment or the cute male puppy which roams around every once in a while. I will just walk with my nose in the air or with my eyes on the floor or maybe i'll just stop using conditioner and let my hair grow big and unruly til it covers my vision. Whatever it is, i'm repelling guys and i'm guessing i'm not gonna be losing much considering all the cute ones have been banished to another far and distant parallel universe. Call me sexist, call me wtv but i set my own terms, it's my life!!!!!!!!

Had a GOOOOOOOOD chat with Cassie today. I LOVE that girl! Sweet innocence, brilliant humour, sensitive siren, sexy vixen all muddled up in one petite frame and u have Cassie. She just made my day. I don't give a damn about what others think about her, i think she rocks. The contents of our conversation is top secret so, sorry!

I feel like a delusional Alice in wonderland, falling deep into that stupid burrow, wondering what the heck is at the bottom. Will i get the happiness i'm seeking? The solace i wish to achieve or is life going to take me on a ride? All i know is I'm falling and i'm late for Grey's Anatomy so i'm leaving now..........

I just figured out why the heck i'm so into that soapie. It's coz of the mopy people there. I can so relate to them... We go through s*** together. It's us against the s***. Here i come!

1 comments:

Cassie said...

hehe thanks...but i'm so NOT sexy =p...dun worry,we all have our "days" =) you'll be alright.