Bridging Fantasy & Reality

Went to church with Jacintha yesterday..... Very good experience i must say. I was very skeptical about going at first but I've been promising to go with her for ages and ages plus i wanted so badly to meet her prom date so i literally dragged myself outta the house. I'm glad i did.... The mood was very uplifting at church and this church looked terrifically posh with it's reflecting exterior and air conditioned interior. You could see people of all races (Nigerians, Indonesians, Malaysians....) and ranging from all ages as well.

Similar to Wai Yi's church, they started off the youth service with praise and worship songs... There's nothing like a few empowering songs played by a live band and sung along by the church crowd to get you going.... Met so many people, sadly, i can't remember so many names! Ugh! Recalling names has never been my forte which is pretty weird considering how I'm easily peeved when people conveniently forget my name.....

This time around, the pastors answered difficult questions posted by some of the youths at the church. Amongst them were 'What happens if a Christian 'accidentally' impregnates a woman who is not a Christian, must he marry her?". My immediate reaction to that was DUH DUH DUH but apparently it's not that simple in the Christian community la. Other interesting questions were "Why can't Christians attend Buddhist camps but are told to invite their non Christian friends to church camps? Is this fair?", "Are Christians allowed to pierce their body parts?" and stuff like that. Most of the answers were pretty reasonable....

Anyways, went to Subang Parade to have dinner with Jas later. We had Kenny Rogers! Had an awesome conversation too... We walked around for a bit after that and i bought a few pairs of earrings and slippers before Abel joined us. Oh, Abel's Jas's date btw and he's a really nice guy, at least i think so anyway... Scoured Carrefour for some stuff that they needed before heading home......

*Transition from night to dawn*

Was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lazeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to wake up for tennis class this morning! Especially since it was raining and there's nothing like an early morning rain to sleep through..... Very hesitantly, i dragged myself to the bathroom where i spent about 5 minutes dozing off on the toilet seat. How? I don't have the slightest clue! By the time i got outta the front door, Coach Moon was already calling me.....

Today was all about power power power and swing swing and close close and roll rroooollllllllllllllll, whack! Coach was like :....run, you must roll it, power.........control, control....now rolllllllll....and whack....control, control......nvm, you're improving.......ok, let's pick up the balls... Me:*pant*....*whack**whack*.....giggle giggle...eek soorrrryyyy!....*run**run*.....*whack*....*sheepish grin*.....ahhhhhh....nooooo! heavy ball, weighed down with water, loads of water!!!!!!!!! You can practically see a fountain escape it with every whack...

Later, i gave my car a good scrub-a-dub-dub... Was a little worried coz i realized that water kept trickling out from some place under the car and it's kinda due for service so i resolved to seek help from some decent guy who will render me the assistance that i need. Haven't found one yet, any volunteers??? My baby's Cleeeeeeeaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn! She's on a roll....

It's been, let's see, wed, thurs, fri, sat and sun, yep, exactly four days since i've spoken to mom. *Sigh* When did it get to this? A few months back, even one day would've been sheer torture!!!!

*Breathe*

Thinking of getting a hair trim tomorrow. It's pretty much grown out now, feels a little bushy.

Will be taking a long trip (well, nt tht long) to Seremban the coming Tuesday. Maybe my grandmother will be able to provide me with answers to some of the questions that's been plaguing my mind. Been pretty restless of late. Can't find anything to blame it on. *Sigh*

On a lighter note, will be meeting up with Shu Chyi next thursday. Oh AND AND, i finished Gene Tech today....

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"One of the best weekends away i ever had was when my flatmate suggested we take off and go to Penang on the spur of the moment", says Gillian, 26. "I'm a total control freak so i wasn't keen on taking off with no place organized to stay. But she talked me round an hour later, we took off each with an overnight bag. We drove out and enroute, stumbled across a fantastic food festival. Later in the day we hopped into the car and drove until we came across a gorgeous hotel overlooking the beach and that's where we stayed. After dinner we went to the cinema and then for coffee where we struck up a conversation with this lovely couple of friends who were also away for the weekend. We ended up playing pictionary with them until 3 am - giggling and having a great time the entire night. One of the two guys we met is now my husband and we're very much in love" extract from Cleo (May 2007 issue)

So cool right? How she took one risk and found a lifetime of happiness...

The article was on taking risks and i was very much drawn to it.... It's weird how sometimes you just need to be reminded about stuff. From magazines or movies or music. I've actually kinda forgotten how it feels to take risks. Last year was full of risks and it felt good. I agreed to emcee knowing fully well that public speaking was my ultimate weakness. I made friends with all kinds of people, people who i didn't even think were reliable at times. I took risks with all my articles in ECHO. I tried to set up a Rotaract Club in SyUC... didn't really work but it was worth the effort. And it felt good doing all those things. It felt good pushing apprehension away and just doing stuff. And then for a while, i kinda stopped. But i'm going to start taking risks again, regardless of how small they are. I can't believe i actually let someone convince me that risks aren't worth taking at times, especially when it comes to relationships. That in my opinion IS a whole load of crap. And you know what? I'm not even going to bother setting the person straight. Go with convention by all means, do stuff the usual way i have absolutely nothing against it. But that's not me, i work for stuff i want. I do not believe that things are handed to you on a silver platter (exp for food in my case). If you want something, you have to work for it. And it's so much more worth it that way. When you know that your effort bore fruit. And if it doesn't, you'll only be determined to work harder. So i'm going to start taking risks again.

On a lighter note, today was kinda okayyy in a way.. When my alarm rang, it was raining. Perfect! And so i pulled my covers over my head and felt myself sink deeper into the mattress. Pure bliss! Or should i say blithe perfection?? (learnt the word in itallics today) I think i crawled out about an hour later. Did some General Paper stuff today but i bummed around for most of the day. I read about the holocaust and then looked up the meaning of words i had written down in my vocab book like a million years ago.

ANd then, i decided to go in search of One Tree Hill season four. Esther had it with her so i drove over to her place. Tricky ordeal i must say! I think i got lost countless times but i didn't give up and i was there about an hour later. LOL. I felt like gollum when i finally got my hands on the cd... i was chanting "my precious" at the back of my mind......... I thought driving back would be a piece of cake but i just couldn't seem to find my way outta that place. I kept going around in circles until i finally took a detour and ended up near One U. Petrol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clocked in 4 hours of One Tree Hill in the afternoon. Ahhhhh! I think i got an overdose of Lucas Scott (played by Chad Michael Murray) coz as time slipped away, i began to notice all these imperfections about him like how his nose looked like a tiny button and how he had this same confused look during confrontations....... Started to annoy me coz i built up Lucas Scott to be this perfect perfect guy... ANywayz, the gals are sluttier than ever this time around and the storyline is kinda weird la but i relish it aneeeeway so yea....

*Horrors* Maybe i'm getting too old for the drama... NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So yup yup, that's pretty much it. Am beginning to wonder why i haven't heard from my editor at YM though.....

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OHmigod! Petzilla's xanga site is so freakin funny! I just had the hugest and most satisfying silent laugh in my entire life............. Which is what i needed so so so so so badly after the 'ultra super sucky' day that today turned out to be......

Today was crap in terms of productivity. I basically got nothing done and i was planning to get LOADS done so mission so not accomplished!!!!!!!!!!! ROar! (hey this song is kinda nice-the one by Elliot Yamin of AI last season) Anyway, back to the subject matter....... I think i was pretty stoned today... I just sat there in the library, my eyes going over and over the same paragraph on the advanced bio book propped in front of me. ANd then i realized that i wasn't moving, time was, but my mind was just stuck in the same phase.... there were/are so many thoughts rushing at the back of my mind...... It was just so impossible to concentrate. So we went for lunch, Manda, Chelle, Jas and me. The mood was so sombre, it was eerily quiet... like every one of us had so much on our minds-like we were all so self absorbed in our own tiny little worlds that nothing else mattered......... Anywayz, bumped into Wannitta later and she didn't have anyone to have lunch with so i felt obliged to follow her la. I'd never want to eat ALL by myself so i didn't expect her to either..........

I flipped through cleo - the most 'eligible' bachelor issue while she ate and i started to wonder, "where in the world did ALL the cute guys go?" I mean like seriously!!!! Where have they all gone? It's almost as if some kinda plague wiped them off the face of the earth into some parallel universe which i would so gladly like to migrate to...... I feel so deprived! I just want to... AAAAAAAAAaaaaaNyyaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhffjdkfghuurrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhher
eaghrfyyygidrhgikdfjlxghaeori;oio0ier39wrioewatttttttttttttttttttttttttttiwefjdklgjdfkghjfkgh

*deep breath*

All i felt like doing today was snapping at people. I'm an ANGRY soul right now. I have all this pent up frustration in me. All i feel is pity pity, piety pity.... if u say it long enough, it sounds like PD... pity pity pity pity pity pity peedee pdee peedeee, PD. I wish i was in PD now, floating in the ocean, the dirty dirty ocean with miscellaneous stuff floating in it.... U know, in a way this anger is making me really really crazyyyyyyy.... so this entree is gonna b full of crap.

Had a small tiff with my mom yesterday... I'm so bothered by it, we used to be so close and now i feel myself drifting away, from the comfort i once knew. Am actually beginning to wonder where my dad is.... And that's not good coz i only start wondering about him when my life begins to really suck or when i have grades to boast about (....my mom stopped making a big deal outta my grades after SPM, i think now i'm just expected to do well). That, an apparently finish allll the house chores at the same time........ I'm sick of it! Perfection! So overrated! I'm not perfect..

I've made a decision based on the fact that all the guys in my life suck right now... I'm going to repel any sort of guys beginning today. The alpha male, the beta male, the gamma male, the u-can't-get-enough-of-me male, the i'm-so-popular-tht-ur-just-a-vague-shadow male, the fake ones, the now-u-c-me-now-u-don't male, u get my drift......... ALL the men in my life have sucked to this very date (sry Adam! ur not counted u lil Harvard smartypants). Starting today, i will NOT initiate eye contact with ne male unless they happen to be my lecturers, the security guards to my apartment or the cute male puppy which roams around every once in a while. I will just walk with my nose in the air or with my eyes on the floor or maybe i'll just stop using conditioner and let my hair grow big and unruly til it covers my vision. Whatever it is, i'm repelling guys and i'm guessing i'm not gonna be losing much considering all the cute ones have been banished to another far and distant parallel universe. Call me sexist, call me wtv but i set my own terms, it's my life!!!!!!!!

Had a GOOOOOOOOD chat with Cassie today. I LOVE that girl! Sweet innocence, brilliant humour, sensitive siren, sexy vixen all muddled up in one petite frame and u have Cassie. She just made my day. I don't give a damn about what others think about her, i think she rocks. The contents of our conversation is top secret so, sorry!

I feel like a delusional Alice in wonderland, falling deep into that stupid burrow, wondering what the heck is at the bottom. Will i get the happiness i'm seeking? The solace i wish to achieve or is life going to take me on a ride? All i know is I'm falling and i'm late for Grey's Anatomy so i'm leaving now..........

I just figured out why the heck i'm so into that soapie. It's coz of the mopy people there. I can so relate to them... We go through s*** together. It's us against the s***. Here i come!

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'At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world.
Some are running scared.
Some are coming home.
Some tell lies to make it through the day,
Others are just not facing the truth.
Some are evil men, at war with good.
And some are good, struggling with evil.
Six billion people in the world.
Six billion souls.
And sometimes - All you need is one.....' - extracted from One Tree Hill, Season 3

Saturday
I spoke to Nathaniel on Saturday night.... I didn't want to but the fact that he did not come across as a pompous jerk this time around made me listen. It was really amusing actually... what he had to say..

When i was introduced to Nathaniel (Nate) a couple of months ago, i instantly stereotyped him as a self obsessed 'met' (metrosexual) who thought he was above any human being in existence. His conversations were all so cliche, his views were predictable and his attempts to hit on any girl who swished pass him in her miniskirt was revolting. Nate was your average, how should i put it?... shameless prick who was the cause of distress of one too many damsels..... I told Nate this last night. I told him exactly how i felt about him and how i did not give a rats ass on whether or not he was keen on chatting with me ever again after that. Blunt. I was hoping for it to pierce him where it mattered and send him licking his wounds. But darn it! Much to my dismay, he just started laughing.... Apparently, he was verry amused by how i felt and what i thought of him...

Anyways, i think i owe Nate an apology.. Got to know him a little better last night and he's not as bad as i had drawn him out to be. I've actually started to admire a couple of things about him. Nate's very unconventional when it comes to life. He dares to defy convention and that's really something i like in a guy.... "A novice in the kitchen, independent and lively, a risk taker who will go the extra mild to get what she wants - that's what i look for in a woman", he replied without a single pause when i asked him. Why he goes out with all those dimwits? I would never know.... My point? Nate knows what he wants, he may not act like he does but maybe that's merely a camouflage to allow him the fun that he seeks til he realizes that it's time for him to grow up...

It took me ONE conversation with ONE person for me to realize that i have no right to judge anyone. No matter how vulnerable/silly/hedonistic/sadistic/sexist/racist/dumb/ass-y they may seem....


Sunday
Sunday started off with the norm - me feeling propelled by the after effects of endorphins from tennis and a good swim.......
Coach Moon really made me crack up and run today..... After the warming up drill, i was to do full frontal power swings which made me feel a little like Maria Sharapova embracing the neon green tennis balls as they came at me at full speed... Finally! The art of rolling the ball has come to me... Boy, did i roll the ball and made little big Moon-y proud. Practiced more on serves after that before learning how to close the ball so that it flew just above the net but not way over. That was pretty tricky and i have not mastered it yet...
Later while picking up the balls, coach told me about how he used to play in tournaments when he was younger. He told me about his passion for soccer and how tennis and soccer didn't go together.. He spoke so animatedly to the extent of it being funny almost... I couldn't help laughing and smiling the entire time.

He may be weird but Coach Moon brings a whole lotta laughter to my Sunday mornings. I needed laughter that morning.... I didn't need it from a crowd but from the wacky antics of ONE person...

I spent Sunday afternoon relishing the bliss that came about with not having to do anything. I watched tv - Grey's Anatomy (..which i missed last wed coz i had to study for bio) and then i took a long nap after reading Cleo.

Did some filing at night. Sorted out all my a levels stuff while listening to Rick Dees and the weekly top 40.

Monday
Today was kinda productive in a way. Went to the library to study with Jacintha... Michelle and Michael joined us halfway through, after lunch... Managed to get a couple of organic PYQ's done and then i re-did our mock examination math paper which i managed to complete in..err, was it 4 hours? Anyhow, i did it, every single question and in a way I'm proud... pah!

When we weren't doing work, we were chatting... The mood was pretty relaxed la, maybe coz all of us still felt kinda relieved that the mocks was over....

Left for home at around seven ish. Mike walked me to my car which i had oh-so-brilliantly parked at Elephant Walk after making countless trips around the medan area and all of the other parking lots that i could think off. Really grateful that he was there to fill the shoes of the responsible pal. Thanx Mike!! I reciprocated by sending him back to his car (of course i was obliged to do it) but then again, i could've just left him there and taken his keys... hehe...

Yet again, It took the tiny effort of ONE friend to get me back safely to my car......

As i was bathing just now, i began to realize how ONE person can make your day... How ONE thing can make you so happy that a lifetime of happiness suddenly seemed like an exaggerated amount. I realized that if you could just take ONE second to stop and think about all the many 'ONE's in your life, then it may suddenly dawn upon you that it doesn't really matter what the six billion people in the world think about you or even if they do.... What matters is at any ONE moment, at least ONE person does think and care about you...

PS: Thrish got me KT Tunstall's cd from the pasar malam today. Showed me that she cared, esp since i was dying to get KT's cd for the longest time ever. Thx sis!

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YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
It's over! It's over! I can finally taste the freedom that Cassie was talking about after our bio paper on friday....it was pretty much not over for me then, but now it is!!!

I could actually feel myself grinning throughout the IELTS examination at IDP today. I kept telling myself, "one more paper and you're this close to emancipation" up until the speaking test itself. Was absolutely freaked about the speaking test. The interviewer (is tht what you call em?) was verrry nice though. She made me feel comfortable so the nerves just fell away naturally. Was made to talk about birds (I KNOW!!!), about a movie i just watched (Thk GOD i just happened to watch The Reaping with JJ, Nimi, Case and Mike on Friday-as lousy as it was...) and then she asked me about food and the importance of eating together and to make a comparison between watching movies at home and in the cinema. Oh, and something about the younger generation being more prone to hang out the cinema..... Other than a Looooong Pause somewhere in the middle of the conversation, i thought that it went pretty well on the whole. I guess people are right about me underestimating my true potential. I do tend to degrade myself at times but that's just coz i don't like to expect too much. It's better to abstain from building castles in the air..... Anyways, Esther sent me home and i think Nirmal took a cab back. Hope it went well for her as well!

My body feels very languid today. Didn't do any form of strenuous activity which is driving me nuts right now but the thought of having tennis tomorrow kinda appeases me in a way... Picked up my car today! Yippee!! I have my tiny little portable boom box again! I'm gonna take care of it and treat it with so much love this time around....

Had my General Paper exam yesterday. I didn't really prepare much for it but i thought the whole exam went pretty well.... I actually thought both my essays were aptly expressed this time around, maybe spontaneity isn't such a bad thing after all?? Daniele took the responsibility of being the time keeper and we both sat down silently-adhering to the supposed rules although we didn't have to. There was no talking, no peeking and we were extremely aware of the time. Plus, i actually had time to check my essays! So, let's just say i'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best, both, for IELTS and GP.

Monday-Thursday were...... i'm trying to think of a nice way of describing it-NOT!....HoRRific? HoRRendous? Anything but good. Had chem on monday *winces and presses palms against temples, grimaces and gags* can't talk about it, it brings back BAD memories *sees flashes of Mr. Chong's expression, aaahhhhh!*. Math was on tuesday. I knew how to go about doing most of the questions but time seemed to be working against me so for the first time ever, i just learnt to let go, didn't like the feeling but there wasn't anything i could do about it.... Had a break on monday, more like a cramming break so i that's exactly what i did.. Then sat for Bio on thursday which was surprsingly easier than i thought it was gonna be. That doesn't mean i'm confident of an A or a B for that matter but i thought i did ok given the amount of studying i did....

Anywayz, i made a lot of interesting observations during the examination period. Really amazing how people actually transform and morph into someone else when they're stressed. The smart ones are suddenly celebrities-people rush to them to appease their curiosity regarding the most baffling questions..... The mediocre ones seek comfort in each others faults. The usually chirpy, chatty ones are suddenly silenced, huddled in a little corner, flipping pages of textbooks in trepidation. The carefree are...uhm, well,... not so carefree anymore. ANd for some weird, grotesque reason everyone's suddenly four eyed (spectacle-d)...... The style of the moment is preppy.... The library's brimming with knowledge-hungry students.... Err, why do i suddenly feel like Charles Darwin?!??
Conclusion made : The exertion of exam pressure on students leads to severe transformation. Only the tough, braniacs and those that possess the genotypes which code for extreme cramming characteristics are selected for in this time of environmental change.....

That said, the holidays are finally upon us- SyUC A level students..... Hah! two weeks! Note to all my Taylor's College friends : In UR FAAAACE!!!!!! *laughs antagonistically*

Must meet up with Wai Yi and Shu Chyi and maybe Lee Hua as well.....

Plus, promised Jacintha that i'll be frequenting the library everyday to get a head start on our revision program. Will be goin prom dress shopping with her and Chelle nx week..... *claps hands* so EXCITING!!! This hols is gonna be AWESOME!

On a more melancholic note- a levels is comin to an end. *weep* *weep*

PS: Sorry for not updating this blog on a more regular basis. Let's just say-I've grown lazy.... :)

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Mom decided to restart tennis classes for Thrish and me so we woke up early this morning for our first class. It's such a drag waking up early on a Sunday morning. Was tempted to fall right back into a deep deep sleep right after hitting the snooze button on my cell but then caught a glimpse of Jeremy's message urging me to check my e mail and i was up and out, partly coz of the curiosity but mostly coz the whole tennis thing was my idea so it was not very logical for me to procrastinate......

Anywayz, practice was awesome. Personally, picking up the tennis balls from the far ends of the court was more tiring than playing itself but today was only the first lesson so i can't say..... We learnt strokes, and backstrokes and how to serve and 'roll' the tennis ball. Having played squash for so long and exerting ultimate strength with every serve, i think i kinda had to get used to tennis coz there's a lotta technique involved.. I had to force myself to quit exerting so much power during the serves which was frustrating. I like intensity! I like doing physical stuff that makes me sweat like a running tap and leaves my muscles feeling sore after...

Must say that tennis was a rather refreshing switch from my normal physical activities. The coach-Moon was very patient as well. Very chatty, laughy and stocky ... Thank GOd he's not cute/hot/buff coz then i would've ended up checking him out the entire time instead of swinging at the tennis balls.. According to him, Thrish is a natural, she has that gentle swing and catches up fast whereas i on the other hand had too much power in me. I had to ease up on the energetic swings. Oh well! I don't mind being the slow learner, just as long as i do learn... I thought my serves were pretty good though.

Went for a swim afterwards. Needed to release some steam... Ahhhhh! Endorphins!!!

Just checked my mail! JJ sent me the new Linkin Park single!!! So excited, can't wait to up load it on my ipod and start listening to it!! THANXXXX Jeremy!! It sounds really really good!

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The day started off pretty well. Woke up on the right side of the bed, went to college smelling of Palmolive body wash (i lurrrvveee palmolive, it makes me smell good thru out the entire day!), Dove conditioner and my new Impulse deo.... Hell, i even applied sunblock today!!

Bio was good. I managed to pay attention through most of the class, did feel kinda sleepy towards the end... Chem was alright as well, took some time to understand the whole concept of how the magnetic field of the a hydrogen influences that of the b hydrogen, don't ask! I think the stress of sitting for mocks in a weeks time has done wonders to my concentration span, but then again, i always work best under pressure so, nothing new there.

Had lunch with jacintha and christine... Christine was so amazed that jas got accepted into Harvard, she kept repeating it like it was lyrics to some irritating song that would play in your mind over and over again....

Then spent a good hour in the library studying the menstrual cycle, finally managed to get the hang of it, sigh!! Went to see Miss Irma to clarify something regarding the practical we discussed in class earlier on and ended up staying there for approximately an hour. I think we talked about EVERYTHING! From how she met her husband to where she's from to how her sons are getting on with their separate interests to what I was planning to do with my future to the upcoming Graduation ball..... Man, i think i just made a new best friend! What's better is, i felt completely at ease talking to her. There was no awkward moments or anything like that. She was really nice, it didn't feel like she was in authority and i was a student. It feels great to connect with someone that way, plus she's my assigned mentor!

Went back to the library to find Norman and Xin Lyn sitting at our table so we all ended up studying together. There was a lot of joking and poking fun at each other but ultimately, i did get work done. And, Norman taught me an easy way to remember how to derive the reaction law for the second order reaction, which i would've learnt had i not dropped physics.... Plus, i got to know Xin Lyn a little better, she's pretty bubbly and she's got a great sense of humour....

Left coll at around five pm and that's when the day turned a bit awry. Took a detour to fill up my tank and then, out of nowhere, i was supposed to step on the breaks but instead, my foot slammed on the accelerator and RAAMMMMMMM! i hit the car in front of me and literally caused a pile up. Three cars involved in the accident that I caused!!! There's absolutely no words to describe how i felt at that moment when i lost control. I just remember squeezing my eyes and a sick sense of trepidation. It was completely my fault. Almost two years of driving with no record of incompetency and this has to happen, on GOOD FRIDAY!!!

Anyways, things weren't so bad. I was traumatized but the other drivers were patient and considerate. The first thing i did was phone my mom and she was right there beside me in a blink of the eye. She dealt with everything and didn't shout/scold me, i'm so grateful that she was so understanding and even tried to comfort me, despite me being careless and ignorant. Plus, i tried to put myself into the other guys shoes. If someone rammed into me outta the blue, i would be terribly pissed off but he was very patient..... He was definitely the bigger person and so i apologized, twice. Went to the police station to make a report. Was freakin panicked coz i thought my licence was gonna be withdrawn (i only have a couple of mths left before i qualify as a competent driver). So my mom (again, the angel that GOD has blessed me with) decided to take the blame and so i was safe.... Sheesh! ALLL the trouble that i caused! I only feel tremendous guilt at this point. But i managed to learn from this incident. From today on wards, i promise to be extremely cautious on the road, i promise to quit driving like a rogue and boast about speed, i promise to treasure my mother with all my heart and soul (oh, and also that kind uncle who helped me) and i promise to never EVER take my foot off ne of the pedestals.....

At the moment, i'm blogging while listening to Christian songs on my Ipod Nano. And i'm realizing that i'm TRULY blessed.... These past few months, i was blinded by all the things in life that i didn't have. I took all the stuff that i did have for granted and i became a selfish, self absorbed person. I never once realized that compared to so many other people i AM lucky. I have the best mother in the world, i have awesome friends, i have all my five senses in tact, I've been blessed in health and in wealth and most importantly, i have people who love me and care for me and will never EVER leave me alone when i'm in trouble. God is looking out for me. He has always and will always and for that i am TRULY grateful......

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