Speaking in Symbolics
3:00 PM
I wonder if it's normal to question your adequacy in situations flung at your direction? I admire people who when things get seemingly unfamiliar, they simply stand there, indifferent to their surroundings. Who let perceptions form without a care in the world. Who know who they are despite the criticisms, despite the burden of knowing they can do better. I look up to these people who come out of the floods with just the water dripping off their backs and perhaps a lesion to their forebrains' which rids them off the memory of the struggle. Or someone who comes out of a fire, unearthed. Someone who comes out of a battle knowing that it was merely a trial.
I wish I had more self control. I wish throwing that box away and vowing never to look at it again wasn't the only option. I wish the will would take over the mind, body and soul. I wish it was easier to let go. I wish things settled in faster.
If only I were braver. To believe in the things I know I am right about. And with the believe, I would argue my case. I wish I wasn't such a push over. I wish I could stop procrastinating.
I wish I could, like everyone else, think of it as just another stupid competition and not care. I wish I could look at myself and laugh about how worked up I am getting over something so trivial.
It seems that doubt, procrastination and indulgence has taken over my life. Sometimes I am so unsure. So lost. So confused. Sometimes, I feel like I'm hanging by a thread. And sometimes, like now for instance, I have too much time to think.
I wish I had more self control. I wish throwing that box away and vowing never to look at it again wasn't the only option. I wish the will would take over the mind, body and soul. I wish it was easier to let go. I wish things settled in faster.
If only I were braver. To believe in the things I know I am right about. And with the believe, I would argue my case. I wish I wasn't such a push over. I wish I could stop procrastinating.
I wish I could, like everyone else, think of it as just another stupid competition and not care. I wish I could look at myself and laugh about how worked up I am getting over something so trivial.
It seems that doubt, procrastination and indulgence has taken over my life. Sometimes I am so unsure. So lost. So confused. Sometimes, I feel like I'm hanging by a thread. And sometimes, like now for instance, I have too much time to think.
