Monday, December 8, 2008

A Proposition?

7:57 AM

I was thinking of putting BridgingFantasy&Reality to sleep. I haven't decided whether it should be "for good" or "just for now" yet. Coz. Seriously, when you come to think of it, I suppose it's just lost it's function. I don't think I will ever lose my obsession with writing, albeit, loads of crapish nonsensical whimsical stuff at times. But I suddenly have this intense urge to exist anonymously in the blogosphere. My freedom of expression via this medium has become severely limited. Now days, I seem to be sitting down and actually thinking: what the hell am I supposed to write this time? And I'm one of those people who believes that writing should just come naturally. Without thought. At first, I thought, fine, if I can't vent and channel my deepest darkest frustrations into seemingly substantial sentences then perhaps pictures will do the trick and not leave this space a barren land.

Uhm. One small issue. I seem to be under the constant curse of bad internet connection. My uni residence has promised better internet connection next year so I won't have to depend on Woosh any longer. Still. I think most of my pictures are up on facebook anyway... So now. Honestly. What is this space for?

Ok ok. I guess it does make sense to update it when I'm in NZ and not anywhere near the people I love and adore here. (altho in this age, we do have e mails AND there's the reveal all sisterhood blog for my closest n dearest) And I did make some close friends through this very space (Andrew for example who found me via my blog at first before we met in NZ) Even so, the contents is not really a true reflection of what I'm feeling. It's pretty much a brief interpretation of what's happening around me.... And now that I'm back here, i feel overwhelmingly uninspired to write anything at all =(....

Ughghhh.. dilemma dilemma. Help!!!

Comments (0)

Labels:

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Long Time Coming...

6:54 AM

kia ora all the way from Malaysia!

Okeh. I know it's the holidays. And I know that means more blogging time. And I know I haven't exactly been proving the theory right. But you can't blame me for surrendering relentless to pure and utter bliss in this place I oh-so-lovingly call home. Ah. The peace. The noisy banter of everyday traffic that prattles about just 12 floors beneath me. The embrace of humidity that suffocates my pores. The ability to lounge on an actual sofa in front of an actual plasma tv with actual chanels and actual DVDs. To look around and see in the eyes of your loved ones genuine concern. Pure bliss. It's good to be home. And to take it all in. The good, the bad, the ugly. What do they call it again? A smile from within exuded through the eyes. Me is smiling that way.

One look at the family shows no changes. Apart from subtle differences, the house remains the same. Everything from the feverishly clean off-white walls to the crystal clear glass doors and obsessively swept floors. But a closer look revealed change on a larger extent. Habits. Some good some bad. Profound changes. Tifts. Probable shifts. Additions. Subtractions. Already I feel like I have a task to achieve before I return to Auckland (apart from the UMSA newsletter I have to come up with). A depth to plummet to and spread my stubby fingers across if you will?

Homecoming was awesome. There was a celebration at my expense. And elsewhere, the rotaractors greeted me in embrace. Not many were present at the first meeting. But enough to have made me feel spesh. Plus, all those awards and accolades that Leez collected for me from the Rotaract District Awards Night awarded for my term as president got to my head a little. And now I walk around with an inflated head. No. Literally. My face is a little chubbier. My grandma calls me a moon face now. Except. She says muka bulan. Sigh. Thanks! I still love u!

Went for a visit during the weekend. And Seremban was still same old Seremban. But the house was no longer the one I remembered. The lawn wasn't mowed impeccably. There was no diverse range of flowers to admire. The pride and glory of my grandpa. The garden that he lived for. The sweat that dripped morning, afternoon, night on the very same expanse of land that hugged the borders of the half wood half brick house that sat beamingly in the middle. He took all of it with him. Leaving all of us to wonder if he was laughing mockingly from heaven as we padded around the knee length lalang that tickled at our shins. Or if he was weeping in agony at the wasted hours he spent with dirt driven up his cuticles and having nails puntured into his heels as he groomed his mammoth sized baby - his lawn. Inherited perfectionism. We all have that syndrome. Runs in the perfect trickles of red blood that runs through our blood vessels.
Enough of this literature. I will now grace your sight with visions.....ahhh....forget it. Enjoy the pictures! =) (........u better! I spent two lifetimes loading them.)

Me and my grandmaaaa..... Two loves, united at last. She looks so happy now!

Awww! Muka bulan and Little Miss Happeeee... I found out where I got my poser skills from. heh. Sheeeee! U will not believe how many times she made me retake the pic. =P

Me and Lita. She keeps tellin me that I look like orang putih now. Sigh.

Out and about in Seremban. Nostalgia. Buildings of heritage. Guess what mum and I did? Shopping! Again. Yes. I am just all about that, aren't I? Thanks mumsy! *hugs*

Kacang pau (Red Bean Flour Mould?!) Finallyyy! =) Also got mumsy to buy the baked siew pau.

Billy Valentino, the salvaged stray, all grown up!! He's even a daddy now. Have yet to meet the wife tho. =P

The new additions to the fam. They can't even open their eyes yet.

But I already have a favorite.

Temple near Parkson. And a hint of the Kembara that I am forced to drive upon my return here.

Pretty rare sight in Auckland....

That's it for now folks. More updates. Soonish. Fingers crossed. =)

Comments (0)

Labels:

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Monologous Mesh

6:05 AM

Last floor dinner. Fewest participants. Majority had left post exam.

Thai Me Up in Ponsonby had a wide selection of food. And served rice in amusing shapes. Got us all competitive about who was more special of the lot.

Kyle got us all convinced that he was the most special of the lot. Look at that heart.

But look who else got the heart. Looking rather doink-ish here though. T_T
And then over to Movenpick for ice cream....
Me and Trish. I settled for hot chocolate. And it turned out to be awEsoME!
Dee and Kyle.....
Still unsatisfied. We headed home for some fun of our owwwwn.
This was before. The fun proceeded soon after. But I won't grace you with pictures just yet. My modem's acting up on me again.
Boxes. What used to be utter mess is now camouflaged. In boxes. Or cases if you will? 426 has never been this empty. Not since the very first time I peeked into it and knew right away that it would fit me like a glove. And the perfect glove it was for a rather brief 5 months. Or less?

The splash of sunlight every morning while I padded around in a state of grog. The rays that refracted through the tiny piece of unevenly edged glass, left spectrums of light floating around. Stained curtains. Musky smell. A combination of sweat ridden sneakers, Auckland wind and white musk. The bulletins. Once covered with pictures. Cupboard doors. Conveniently doubled as a feature wall. Mirror. Smothered with post its'. Not much for my perusal or that of others. Ignorance.

Corridoors seemed quieter. Common room emptier. Communal kitchen duller. Less baskets. Less refrigerator storage. Reduced bread crumbs by the toaster. Splashed water by the sink. Oily counters. Discarded rubbish. Less of everything. If I were to remain here. I'd feel less. That's probably how you feel...
Home. The place I've fantasized about for the past 8 months. Before I fantasized about coming here. The only thing that's keeping me sane. Anticipating. Excited. As I pack. Else. I would have lost it. A long time ago. As the mound of mess reduced. Bit by bit. I felt myself get closer and closer to home.
Auckland. A dump? Repetitive. It got dissed over and over again. Endless. I listened. As the wind got dissed. The walkways. Unclean. The buildings. The shops. The shopping. The weather. The system. Then why this comfort? Why is there no beckoning from within that I find a way to escape. Why this heavy heart as I pack? Auckland?
Australia. Where everyone wants to be. Sweet sweet Australia. With it's koalas and dingos and marsupials and oviparous eutherians. It lures. Yet. I long not. I just lose precious people to. People come, people go. Move on. Stop living in the past.
To be continued........
(4 am now. I am reprogamming my internal clock. Tmr's a busy day.)

Comments (0)

Labels:

Sunday, November 9, 2008

OMG!

1:59 PM

The alignment is all wrong on that one! I keep adjusting it but it won't adjust. Arghghahha! so frustrating! I'm sorry...... =(

Comments (0)

Labels:

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Wonders of Learning

2:27 PM

Feels good to be back. The examination period had me holed up in my room. Literally. It’s where I spent every breathing second of my morbidly study orientated life. Note : this will not need to apply to anyone who has established a conscientious study plan for themselves. But, despite all the (empty) promises I made about turning over a new leaf this semester, I still slumped right back into that hell hole of procrastination. Looking back in retrospect at the entire year, or at least my time here, I’ve come to the conclusion that the thing I suffered with the most is my tendency to procrastinate. I learnt the hard way that if you don’t do things, they aren’t going to do themselves no matter how much you will for it to happen. Sounds like common sense? Well, if u were anywhere close to the procrastinator that I am, you’d know how hard it is. To fold your clothes right after washing it. Or to wash your dishes. Or to change your bed spreads when you know it’s time to do it. Heck, I even procrastinated in the shower. ‘I’m gonna let the warm water run down my back for just another minute’. Next thing you know, just another minute turns into a few more minutes and those minutes turn into an hour. That’s how all the children in Ethiopia died from thirst so to speak. I have indirectly mass murdered. =(

Anyway, the last thing you would want to do after sitting for an exam, possibly one with lingering uncertainties and disheveled memories, is talk about the period that caused all that grief. But that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Merely because I established a love hate relationship with my study this time around. And also, because that’s all I’ve been doing for the past couple of weeks, it’s the only thing I can talk about!

For some really odd reason, I found efficient maximum absorption of study material within the amazingly short period of time I had was easier to achieve this time around. Ok. I might be shitting myself. And jinxing all the lucky stars that might've shone down on me by making that claim. But it’s true. And I’ve summed it down to four things.

1. The unbearable pressure of exams got to me and kicked my system into maximum absorption, minimum slack mode which resulted in better uptake of information. Aka – performance under pressure.

2. The elimination of internet privileges from my life which deprived me off time consuming activities (ie : blogging, facebooking, chatting, facebooking, youtubing, facebooking, blog surfing, facebooking, googling, facebooking, checking my e mails, facebooking. in that chronological order)

3. The new study method I used. I have absolutely NO idea why I never came up with it before. Coz it seemingly works wonders for me. If you have short attention span like me, try it. Intersperse between two very different subjects. I found interspersing between biosci and psych extremely helpful. I could go on for longer and I felt like I was getting more done simultaneously which was reinforcement enough to keep going.

4. My subjects this time around were just much more interesting..

Personally, I think it’s a combination of all four options. I absolutely enjoyed studying social psych and clinical psych. The amount of stuff I discovered, not merely about myself, but about other people and situations and disorders that I never ever thought I would’ve been interested in to begin with were vast!

I suppose this is going to sound pretty weird but I’ve developed quite an obsession for schizophrenia. While studying it, I felt this sudden surge of interest. Like I wanted to know all about everything to do with it. Shucks. Had I started earlier, I would’ve been able to look things up on wiki and read more journals about it, but I had to settle for a little bit of everything coz I was so behind. Anyways, I did look things up after my paper. Found this picture of a patient with catatonic schizophrenia.
Pretty interesting ay? And this is only ONE form of the disorder. Perhaps I should start considering my options next year so I can somewhat get closer to these patients. I know for a fact that I'd be terrified outta my mind at first but that shouldn't stop me.
Personality disorders were also awesome to learn about. Rotfl. I might actually have one. Geez. I just wish I had started earlier. Pfft.

Social psych components were also my favorites. Learning about self fulfilling prophecies and fundamental attribution errors and the power of the situation explains SO MUCH about people’s behavior towards so many things. Reading my psych textbook was almost like having all my questions on so many facets of life being answered. Seriously, that book is staying with me. I was thinking of selling it at a second hand price at first but it has become my bible ever since.
Fundamental basis towards understanding Freud's stuff. Reading about the Oedipus and Electra complex was intriguing, just coz I never knew that such a period actually existed in our lives. At least I don't remember it. Sometimes I wonder how he came up with all these otherwise unthinkable theories and revelations.
And then there was Erikson's psychosocial stages which pretty much lured me into believing that I had experienced a conflict that will transcend into my later life. And now that I know, I am even more conscious of it, which might prove to be detrimental.
Whatever the case, It was nice reading and absorbing it. Although, I am quite skeptical about the idea of everyone going through these identical stages. And that boy with his hands in his pocket, he shouldn't be smiling. He should be all punked up and angry if you follow the theory correctly. LOL.
Thing about psych is you can actually see it unveiling before you. Right before your very eyes! It doesn’t answer all your questions but it sure does clear a lot of doubt. And I’m all about figuring out this rather unpredictable life.

After A levels, I was pretty convinced that I was never going to do math ever again. The urgency was strong. I learnt this year though that in order to major in economics, I HAD to take it. And so I did. And although studying math in uni is pretty much a compressed form of perhaps a year of study into a couple of months, things ticked more easily than it did during A levels. Integration was easier by leaps and bounds. Integration by substitution and integration by parts were puzzles that I struggled with in A levels. But this time around, it just clicked into place. Shame really that there weren’t many questions on it during the finals, but I’m pretty glad that the conflict I had with integration has been resolved. =)
from unresolved puzzles to perfect fits?

Economics was more like my turf. Macroeconomics is a whole load more interesting than microeconomics. Just coz you don't only learn about the gains and losses of a certain firm but of the entire country. I completely suck at writing academic essays for econs. Can't seem to figure out why. But I supposed my love for the gargantuan amount of graphs related to this subject make up for my incompetent writing skills.
Pretty much sums up my perpetually fueled interest towards the subject. Although a day before the paper, I was on the brink of tears at 2 am coz I still couldn't "get" the Philips curves. And I get VERY frustrated when I can't interpret graphs.

LOL. I have no idea why I decided to put this picture in. You can't read anything and I can't b bothered with trying to attach an expanded version. I guess Mike's Calvin n Hobbes obsession rubbed off on me. But it's funny. Just google economics and it's one of the first images to pop up. (You prolly won't do this... LOL but I did tell =P)
And then there was BioSci. A paper despite being outrageously exciting, involving mass dissection and theories of evolution that went so far past my knowledge of primates, I don't think I did too well for =( There was just too much to absorb and too little time. And given that, I was forced to forego some of the components that I thought we weren't going to be tested on. Like that dumb lamprey question. But it did come out! And i was like, dengggggg! Five marks. Poof poof. Shit happens.
At least I I know the Burgess Shale isn't an era but a place. And disparity of the multifaceted species on earth. And about neroethology which I don't think I will be looking into as a professional career anytime soon. Still. This was one of the more interesting papers taken this year. And the fact that it's 60 percent coursework and 40 percent exams eases the tightness in the chest that I'm feeling at the moment.
The weird wonders of the Cambrian explosion.
This funny looking hallucigenia was constructed upside down at first. Honestly, I don't see the problem. Both ways, it still looks the same to me.
And now I have this extensive memory of fossilised animals and extant group forms engraved in my head. Seriously, it's like a whole other language pretty much. Actinoperygii. Lobopods. Trilobites. Cephalaspidomorphi. Chondrichthyes. Kerygmachela. Opabinia. Anomalocaris. Some of the few that I can remember. LOL. Am also aware about the importance of the hox genes which I never bothered with before. I'm actually pretty apprehensive to give up on what I learnt this semester. Coz I know as time goes by and other things become more important, It'd all probably get lost somewhere within the different lobes of my brain. I kinda want it to stick though. =(
Here's a little recognition to the few things that did help me get through the examination period with less pimples and slightly booted confidence.
Music. The spice of life. I practically owned JoBanana's Ipod throughout the examination period. While she owned my modem. The perfect symbiotical relationship I must say. =) Did me immense good.

Angel Milk by telepopmusik =) The songs are awesome!!!
Massive Attack is really good in a slightly haunting way as well. Just don't listen to it at 2 am in the morning when your convinced there's someone looking at you from outside your window. The House theme song's (Teardrop) in this one.




Hehe. I also listened to a lot of Peterpan. =)

And gym was absolutely awesome when it came to increasing attention span. Talk about multi tasking. I brought my notes to the gym and read them on the threadmill and bikes and eliptical stuff while listening to music and glancing at the tv every now and then. nevertheless, gymming aided in the provision of phenomenal attention span. =)

The next post will be more interesting, I promise! If you did read all that, you deserve a well earned reward.

Comments (4)

Labels:

Monday, October 13, 2008

Disappearing Act

2:57 PM

Dimi is nerdifying herself throughout the month of October. Not because I want to, because I NEED to. Laptop's gonna be locked up and stuffed into JoBanana's closet til I sit for my last paper. Bye-Bye Facebook. Bye-Bye Blogging. Bye-Bye I tunes. Bye-Bye MSN messenger. Bye-Bye DVDs. Bye-Bye Youtube. Geez. Life's gonna be a bore....

Still. There is one form of entertainment that I cannot and will not wean myself away from. =D The best form. One that has my head floating amidst clouds. Elaboration not necessary at this point in time.

A very happy nerdy me =D

More birthdays coming up. But I've made a pact with myself to only upload pictures both on facebook or on my blog only after my exams. It's the only way I can stop myself from procrastinating, especially when there can be no allowance for procrastination. So feel free to ignore the link to my blog within the next one month. I will continue checking blogs/my facebook account/e mails at uni or in JoBanana's room occasionally so feel free to leave me messages using these avenues. My cell phone's still the best bet.

Disappearing for now but not for long. You know you'll miss me!

Comments (0)

Labels:

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Finding the Joyness

7:15 PM

In the past few weeks, I was thrown in on of the frenziest frenzys' of all time. Assignments piled up sky high. My weekend was consumed by volunteer work. And there were all those seemingly minute details to distract me on the side. With the grace of God, I pulled through. Submitted the final part of my assignment an hour ago but I somehow feel like the relief is going to be rather short lived. This weekend's going to pretty psycho as well by the looks of it. And I only have a month before the final exams. A month. And a whole lot of studying to do. Course work's coming to an end with a final Matlab worksheet and the last psych report of the year due early next week.

Anyways, regardless of all the hype, we still managed to slow down for a bit to celebrate dear Bobbie Lee's 20th birthday. =P. It was done in style in the fourth floor common room of Huia Residence. My definition of 'in style' is a small intimate setting with food that is reminiscent of home and good company to boot. And just that stylish it was. We had sabu sabu (better known as steamboat back in good ole home) and a rather dry gluten free cake that Melitta and I dashed to Foodtown to get on the spur of the moment. Only, to make the cake less abrasive on the troath, we came up with a wicked combination of morbidly dry cake and feverishly sweet Hokey Pokey ice cream, courtesy of Bobbie Lee.



Farrah, the new addition to the fourth floor was kind enough to grace us with her company. It was almost deja vu the way we met. Just like JoBanana, she had no idea how to lock her room door so it was Dimi to the rescue again. I'm the superDoorWoman. Anyhow, Farrah's a med student from the UK who's doing a hospital attachment at the Starship Children's Hospital in Auckland. Her addicitve laughter and medical stories will leave anyone wanting more. Thanks to her, I discovered that a man in the UK stuffed an eel up his anus in the plight of pleasure. Oh how so glad I am that I wasn't that man when he found out his intestines had been consumed by that very source of pleasure.

The birthday boy with his very dry cake. Don't buy cheap cakes from Foodtown. It's safe to say that you get in quality what you pay in quantity.



The hot pot. Only this time we used the rice cooker that we jointly got JoBanana for her 18th birthday. There was tofu, lamb, loads of veges, mushrooms, chikuwa, crab balls, seaweed, etc etc. Kinda disgusting how towards the end, the entire hot pot was filled with oil slick. Blergh. Melitta and I stopped then and there, but we dived for cake and ice cream, not the best direction really.

Do you know that Sabu Sabu gives you pink cheeks??



The cake. After the candles were displaced. It was the icing I tell you! It tricked me big time!



The surprise. Well, not exactly, but it was meant to be a surprise. But Melitta's subtlety gave it off.



The wish. I think he wished he were in Perth at that very moment. =( Stop apocalyptising you!



The dash. Pictured here are Mel and I, making a bee line for the cake. Joey, looking all maxed out on oil slick. Dirty plates lined with kicap, leftovers and the likes.



The loves. Will we still remain this close next year? The unspoken truth looms. And regardless of how I'd like to deny it, I suppose, only time can truly tell.



Oh lookey who's hiding behind the imaginary mask again.


The randomest most oblivious and delusionally fun girlfriend. If you ever play a game of truth or dare, please make sure Mel's there to bring the heat.


The life and soul. It's true. Regardless of the issues. The spates of ill tidings. The minute disagreements. This year would have never turned out to be an eventful one if it weren't for you. Please do not fling ludicrous possiblities in my direction. I have a weak heart and I will sob til my pillow case becomes salty from all the tears.


One big very dysfunctionally happy family I have grown to love.

ps : why are there so many birthdays in October?!?

Comments (0)

Labels:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)