Thursday, December 6, 2007

Numero Uno

7:29 AM

Ah. The perks of being a proud owner of a laptop. Being able to watch tv while writing blog entries! Something I could never do previously.

This weekend was a rather rewarding one. Went to the park on Saturday after a long hiatus and thank God, stalker was nowhere to be seen. I was free to roam the park at my own free will and there was nothing more liberating than that. Mumsy and I met up with one of her friends who went to study at the University of Auckland after that. Senthil-a very charismatic and pleasant young man who shared with us many of his exciting endeavours in the university. Why do I keep on meeting good looking people this month? Sigh. Anyway, he told me that apart from the first two months that was going to be rather lonely months, the experience was well more than worth every penny… It was nice being given reasons to look forward to my future in New Zealand again. From short weekends away to minor details about weather and such, I was drawn in to his many experiences and how the entire thing helped with his personal growth. Sometimes talking to people who have been there and done that can make all the difference.

Met up with Ben later. Had to drive all the way to Shangri La Hotel in KL to return the unsold Golden Compas cinema tickets to the Rotary President. Some sorta rotary convention was going on there so Ben and I got ‘stuck’ despite our every effort to pry our way out. The rotarians managed to force a glass of beer down Ben’s troath and talk us into going to the GH in Kajang today (which we did not attend…). When we finally freed ourselves from their clenches, it was already 6 thirty, almost time to meet Leez at Mid Valley. Had dinner at All Stars in Mid Valley where Ben footed the rather pricy bill. Thanks Ben! It seems to me that Ben’s ego has expanded beyond repairable heights. So, please, try not to remind Ben about his hotness any more coz that’s pretty much what Leez and I had to endure the entire night. After shopping for barbecue stuff for fellowship night the next day, I dragged Leez and Ben to watch Enchanted!!! Apart from the ending, the surreality of the movie made it pretty watchable… Check it out for a good laugh!!

Woke up late the next day and it was carwash day!!! Ugh. Had to rush outta bed and get to college to direct everyone to the venue in half an hour. How I managed, I have no idea but I did! I even got there without losing my way!! I won’t elaborate about the carwash here coz the whole deal will be on the rotaract blog very soon (I hope…) but the carwash was a success!!! There were periods when it was terribly slow and demoralising, both for us and the interactors, but things sped up soon after and we managed to earn a whopping 800 ringgit!! All this will go into purchasing diapers and milk products for the kids in Cheshire Home in Kuala Kubu Baru. It feels amazing to be doing this for a greater cause. Thanks to both the rotaractors and interactors present for making the day a huge success.

Later at night, we had a fellowship session at Ben’s place. Again, I found my way there without losing my way! I am getting good at this. Even DivaSya was amazed. The barbecue was okay. We were all warped and really tired but we still managed good laughs and just fellowship as a whole. I think I went overboard with junk food coz the barbecue never seemed to be producing much food and I was hungry as hell. Plus, Ben refused to fetch me some good old H2o from his house so I was stuck with sugarful gassy beverages. Urk. Drove out to get water and returned to play a round of taboo before we decided to call it a night. Oh. And I saw Ben’s new squeeze! Worth attending the fellowship for. LOL. Wonder why kids these days wanna grow up so soon. (I sound like an aunty but I don’t care) My sister clogs her eyes with kohl, and most 16 year olds dress up like they’re coporate people… Nuff said. Sigh.

I slept a lot today. I think I’m exhausted. Period.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Unstopable

8:03 AM

"SSSSsomebody SSSssstop me!" -The Mask

Ah, yesh, yet another eventful day! Patti (my grandma) came down from Seremban to attend a close relative's funeral and to come see us at the same time. Killing two birds with one stone some say. LOL. Anyhoo, considering I've not been to Seremban in ages!! her coming down was a very delightful surprise for me! I lurve her to bits. I know lotsa people who love their grandmothers to teeny tiny pieces but nothing compares! She's just the cutest, gutsiest, unrelenting, sincere and caring soul on this planet. Spend one day with her and you'll love her too. She might be almost eighty but she's nowhere near senile/weak. And her flamboyant behaviour can send anyone into a throng of giggles. Might be annoying at times, but still, I love her. We all do!

Apparently, I've not been showing it enough, coz I haven't visited Seremban eversince forever. Feel very guilty at the moment. She claimed that if Muhammad wasn't going to go to the mountain, the mountain had to come to him. Blunt. I deserve it la. Ungrateful grandchild that I am. So, I've resolved to spend at least one week there, no matter how much I despise the place, just to make her happy. Maybe I'll travel around and go see all my relatives before I leave for New Zealand. It's the right thing to do. I've been focusing on friends so much, it's about time I got my priorities right. I owe it to everyone.

So woke up this morning and chitchatted with her for a while over breakfast. Talks with Patti is never ending. Literally!



Shexy Patti and Me - both after morning showers

At around eleven ish, I was off to settle carwash business again. Which reminds me : Carwash, this Sunday (2nd December), 9 am til 7 pm at Sentul. Please call me for directions to the place and please DO come and DO contribute to our charitable cause. Picked Nishan up from Brickfields and then we headed to this place.



Yes, I'm sorry people, we just have to make the best out of the venue provided.

Poor Nishan had to travel all the way from Bentong, Pahang to KL just to meet up with the owner to settle the many questions that were circulating and to sign a formal agreement. Anyway, we managed to get quite an awesome deal. Nishan has got about thirty cars lined up to come around and apparently business is good on sundays. Plus, Mr Kumar agreed to absorb the cost for the soap. So *claps* huge gain on our part. Please do spread the word yea people! So, we found out that Mr Kumar was from Bentong as well. Both Nishan and he started to churn out all these grandfather stories about hanging out in the cemetery on a hill and stealing rambutans from an orchard and all the big shots in the area. I was completely lost so I just stared around and acted like I was completely engrossed in the conversation. Managed to get a shot of our banner though. Here it is...
According to Nishan, this should've cost about RM 50, and they wanted to charge us a whopping RM 250. Thank God we managed to obtain sponsors!!! Check out the amount of words though.... Who's gonna stop to read something thaaaat long???


Went for lunch after that. That was before I got us both lost. And before he told me interesting facts about the blue/black (...bruising??) that I got from my med check up on Monday. And before he whacked a huge mosquitoe on my head and claimed that it had sucked out my brain. And before he got confused between lintah and pacat and combined both, giving rise to the all new licat. And before both of us realized how excruciatingly terrible I was with directions. I had naan and Chicken Malay Tikka at an Indian restaurant in Brickfields. Kept me full the entire day! Amidst all the talking, I began to wonder why I wasn't keen on sharing stuff about myself with people like others tend to do pretty well. Was just a fraction of a second which passed in a snap. Sent Nishan to KL Central later so he could go back to Bentong. One dedicated com service director! LOL.
Yep, that's the blue/black that appeared a day after the doctor extracted blood from the vein. Is there a need to be concerned???

Hilton PJ was my next destination. Lee Hua was completing her Hilton Train Project there and Leez and I were cordially invited to render our assistance in her frantic uproar. Fine. I also went there to fulfill my selfish wants. Lee Hua specifically stated, with Leez bearing witness, that should I assist she would obediently attend the District Rotaract Conference in Pulau Pangkor. So I was there in a flash. Stupid me decided to park in the basement. Guess how much I ended paying? 18 ringgit!!!! For a mere 3 hours more or less. Where's the sense in that???
Anyhow, Hua's Hilton project was worth going to see. There's like this huge space on which miniature stuff is placed and a train will go hooting along the miniature villages. Hua's collection was pretty awesome, the ones that I saw at least. Her space was empty compared to the rest but then she had everything ready. Leez and I helped with the minor details. I did the vines on the fences, mostly involving super glue and then dunking the entire thing into this huge tupperware containing grasslike stuff. And Leez spent the entire time making tulips out of crepe paper til her fingers became red. I helped with the tulips later but I don't think I contributed much to tulip making. I suck at it! I made like 5 passable tulips out of the hundreds there! Sheesh.
This was another dude's space. Miniature rumah papans. Neat!
So this was Hua's space, it stretched out a bit further... But yea, pretty much the landscape that she has to fill
I think Lee Hua spent sleepless nights doing this with her bare hands, look how pretty it turned out! Worth it, no?
This was my job for some time, the vines on the fences... better than making tulips! LOL
And Leez, oh so contented with her tulip making skills.. check out the houses in the background, pretty!
Most of the time, we just sat around, giggling while making tulips and reminiscing about the interact conference. Text messages to Ben, Lands...erm, I mean James, never ending teases about yolks/yokes and a futile attempt to get DivaSya to join our twosome was on the agenda. And then, whaddya know? We meet the guy who took the documentary of me during the Interact conference there. Apparently Mr Michael who gave an inspirational talk during the conference was there too, so we got invited to the room to eavesdrop on his talk. I only realized how hot Mr Michael was (...for a person his age of course) when I went over and shook his hand. And now Leez thinks my standards of hot-ness is not the least bit up to par. Sigh. Well at least, I don't fancy a computer animated figment of imagination as opposed to a real human being!!! Pfft.
And when we got bored, we whored! Me and Hua
Am super PROUD of you babe, for spending sleepless nights to churn out creative stuff !

We stayed til around 5 ish and then Leez and I bid goodbye to Hua and headed to the Curve to watch the show with McDreamy in it. What was the name again? Blah. The show was only screening at 11 sth so we settled for Hitman instead. Ahhhhhhhh! Olyphant!!!!!!! *drool* *drool* *drool* So suave, So yummy looking in a suit, so Hot! McDre..who??? Olyphant is the new fantasy in all my dreams. Went to this kopitiam place which also served teppanyaki at Cineleisure for dinner. I had the kiddies meal with a mutated sausage and Leez had yummy looking rice. We were both bloated with satisfaction soon after and have both resolved to go on a diet to look the very least bit appealing come Rotaract conference in Pangkor where we're gonna have to traipse around in minimal clothes... (not that we have to!!!). So yea, it was agreed. Leez is gonna chuck rice and what was it again? And I was gonna just stick with fish and veg and fruits til January. Motivation is the key to successful dieting. Yea right!! Maybe we should just get a colonic!
Got one of Leez with the Kopitiam picture behind....

Wouldn't have been complete without me! LOL. Amongst all the camwhore pics I took, this appeared the best. How'd you do it so effortlessly, Cass???


Went for a short stroll in between movie and dinner to get the food digested. The Curve is so lighted up with Christmas deco already. Lookie! Beauty!


For all my awesome friends who aren't celebrating christmas here, just a little taste of what you're missing back home, not that Christmas overseas won't be as spectacular.... I just miss you guys! *sobs*

Went over to Leez's house after the movie to grab Grey's Anatomy season 4 cds. I made her burn them for me then and there. That's how fanatical I am about the series! But to my greatest, and I stress, GREATEST, disappointment, I can't view them. LeeZA! Why? WHY? I can only hear them speaking, no visualizations what so ever! ROAR! Anyhoo, at least I got my monthly dose of Ernie! I can't decide which one's cuter, Ernie or Oscar... Both have their quirky sides and both I adore to bits. Felt a rush of happiness when Ernie greeted me. Adorable to the maximus!
Me and Ernie, he was agitated by the laser light here, hence the distraction.
He's all for the camera here! Look at those adorable eyes and those adorable paws, you just wanna hug him and never let go!!!!!!!!!
Drove home happy, with a bundle of joy (....cds) til I got home to discover the ultimate shocker. Oh well, you can't have it all, can you?

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Monday, November 26, 2007

District Interact Conference 07/08

5:20 AM

Three days, two nights + crazy interactors + crazier rotaractors = onehelluvagreattime!

I think Leeza managed to give a good enough update on the Interact Conference. But here goes... The conference was pretty awsome. The rotaractors were the busiest lot coz it seemed that we were running the entire thing. Rotarians played a very small part, particularly with the bossing around. So our hands were always tied and it was up to us to make or break the entire thing.

Day 1
- Woke up at 4 am! Then called ben for a wake up call at around 5 am.
- Arrived at the venue of departure and all the interactors were already there, so waited for the rotaractors.
- And then PP Raja introduced me to all the Interact Presidents and told me "you're in charge from here on", caught me off guard. Didn't even do a head count as soon as i got into the bus.
-Chose front seats. Felt like I was floating above the road. Got place to stretch legs, not that I have long legs to stretch la, but was good any how.
-Sat next to Leez, and did a whole lot of sleeping and watched movie (Final Destination 3; which was like soft porn for the interactors; could see tongues wagging at the tanning machine part; their eyes were so wide that their eyeballs almost fell out)

Leez and I - On our way there

-Then bus broke down. Had to change some part so we got delayed by almost an hour and a half. Had lunch at the Petronas station.. Fabulous man!

-Arrived at around 3 ish. Became temporary GDL to a half dead group of interactors. Understandable coz everyone had a super super LONG journey. But they were so hesitant to talk. Had to practically force them to pick a group leader and then a group name and THEN a group cheer. But then could've had it worse. Could've had my team name themselves "team Dimi" like alex had his team named after him. LOL. Or "team Aiyo" to complement "team fuyoh" like Leez's team suggested. Awesome time!

- Broke for tea. Was so so thirsty! But water was sparse. Had to down several cups of super super sweet syrup. Spike in blood sugar levels. Not good! Parched!

- Went back to room. Had a major Bitch fit with Leeza in the room. A lot of moaning and complaining about the room and the toilets. We were like bimbos. Whining like nobody's business and gagging at almost everything provided.

-Used a different bathroom to bathe coz ours was overflowing with H2o.

- Headed down for ice breaking games.

-Spotted super hot guy. Took pictures of him with cellphone camera secretly with Leeza. We think he might have realized that he was being paparazied.

-Jumped, screamed, mingled, dinner-ed, then screamed summore, hopped, enjoyed the hype, but not the humidity. Body Odour was rife in the air, thanks to the "air fresheners". Blah.

- Night ceased. Hung out at the cafe, briefing for programme team. Discussed agenda with Calvin and Bernard for emceeing gig the following day.

-Wanted to hang out some more, but TOO exhausted and Leeza and Ming Yie were both sniffling, so headed back to the room for shut eye.

- Pillow beared resemblance to rock. No blanket! Slept pillow-less and used towel as blanket in the middle of the night.

Day 2

- Woke up unnecessarily early. Got ready in super formal wear. Big day.

- Went to Dewan Budaya something something buy bus (... USM campus is unusually huge) Bus got stuck on the way. Couldn't move coz it was stuck in between cars and couldn't reverse. Went around finding a rock as per requested by the bus driver. Had to evacuate bus. Finally bus could move again. Whee.

-Had Nasi Lemak for breakfast. Ben wanted more and the waiter kept bugging him about it.

-Opening ceremony was next. My big emceeing break! Rocked man. Although at certain points I became stoned and let Cal do all the talking. He's good with the crowd, a natural. I did most of the formal part though. Everthing turned out ok. Pity Calvin who had to deal with my anxiety continously. My co-emcees always suffer.

-Felt like a celebrity after that. Everyone seemed to be looking at me differently.

-Plenary session was next. Had nothing to do. So hung out with Ben and Yogz. Crashed the GDLs group discussion. Managed to preen my way into the Hottie's life. Leeza was completely head over heels into him so she was going bonkers at a certain point. Couldn't even bring herself to take a pic with him. Too bad. He was REALLY hot.

Ben going all Gay with Alex. Ben has gay issues. You never know when he's being one and when he's straight.


Interactors being all goody during the plenaries.


Decided to crash Alex's discussion topic. Interactor presenting. While we messed aroung with Ruichi (jap exchange student) and other rotaractors behind

- Decided to walk to the lake with Ben

- Ben was leading the both of us in the wrong direction and he insisted it was the right direction. Pfft!
-Yogz saved us from the hassle. Went to put stuff in his car and borrowed his super huge slippers coz i was dying in my heels.

- Apparently, Ben and Leeza think every Indian guy I speak to is my prospective boyfriend. Very annoying one! Stop la people. U guys making me become racist towards my own race.

- After plenaries, Leez and I hitched a ride from Yogz to the girls hostel. But then we got lost coz he took a detour to get some stuff from the shop. Went one whole circle to get back on track. Then bought bottles of water from a shop nearby, happiness!

- Didn't bathe, coz was late. Just splashed water on our faces and returned to the BO (Body Odour) Hall for dinner and presentation session.

- Was supposed to emcee again, this time free and easy. Felt a LOT more relaxed with the wireless mic. Was even told that I carry myself well. A lot more comfortable la.

- Dinner was bland.

-Was told I smiled like a duck. Then I received dating advice from Ben. Made me completely change my views about guys. Before Ben disappeared to talk to his recent squeeze. Discouraged Bernard from hitting on Leeza too much in fear that she would withdraw from the club. Weirdism defined.

- Went totally and completely crazy with Leez, Alex, and Ming Yie while waiting for Ben. Giggled and laughed like CRAZY people. We were all completely sober but so drunken in behaviour. I had NO idea how crazy Ming Yie and Alex can get. This trip has COMPLETELY changed my view of them. Was so good letting lose and being crazy knuckleheads.

- hhahahaa... Noise syntaxes! This one went completely overboard la. Inside joke.Sorry.

- Made a huge hissy fit about doing something adventurous. Last night, had to. Chris joked about walking to seven eleven and buying alcohol then consuming it on the overhead bridge (....adventurous? watda.....) Shanta came up with plans to go Beach Club/Slippery Senoritas. *Me nodding like a fool* But then ended up not wanting to pay super duper high taxi fair. Hence walked to mamak outside.

-On the way, we got caught by Mr Zam Zam, USM rep. "No NO, tak boleh. GIrls and Boys cannot go out together. Cannot go out so late!" All weird acts by Kishen and Shanta did not work so girls and boys separated. Boys went with plan A, girls went to the cafe and discussed plan B.
- But then James came and saved us all. Girls and boys were reunited. Mamak session was freakin funny. Fooled around, drank super sweet milo. Shared food with Ben. And then this conversation.

Ming Yie : Roti Pisang satu

Waiter : Roti Pisang tada

Ming Yie : oh, roti pisang *nods*

Waiter: tada

Ming Yie : Uh, Roti Banana

Waiter : Apa? tada la

Ming Yie : Oh. Ok OK. Roti Pisang.

All : Roti pisang = roti banana=TAK ADA!!!

Ming Yie : hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahah roti VIP satu.

Had the laugh of my life man. Like an earth shattering one with tummy aches.

- Guys went to get beer. Gals headed back to the hostel. Took a cold shower. Then slept. But talked to Leez about rotaract future and relationships before dozing off. This time used Interact Conference t shirt as shield against the cold.

Day 3

- Woke up kinda late.

- Went to the hall despite protests and met up with Edwin and Ming Yie there. Chose to forego breakfast. Ben, Alex, Chris, Shanta and Kishen nowhere to be seen due to drunken hiatus.

- Sat through closing ceremony. Half asleep. Became fully awake when Dinesh called me upfront to do an impromptu presentation on how I succeeded in recruiting members into an almost defunct club. Impromptu man! Did better than I expected. Suddenly everyone referring to me as president Dimithira instead of Dimi.

- Was asked to do a documentary with the camera man also. Wah! So glamour man.

- Chitchatted with the Rotaractors summore and felt a tinge of sadness, was gonna miss everyone. Joked. Was called up on stage again for appreciation and to sing songs. Sigh. Good times.

- Then bus came. Checked out. But before checking out, weird encounter.

Chinese dude + guy : er President Dimithira, can we have a picture. Our friend wants a picture of you but then he's too shy to ask.

Me : Oh, Ok, Who;s he? Maybe I can go there and say hello then take picture with him??

Chinese guy : oh, tht would be great but then ur very busy and stuff right?

Me: *eyes bags* kind of. But i Look very odd in pictures you know. Ok la. *poses*

Chinese guy : thank you so much. Was really nice meeting you Dimithira. The guy with the white shoes is the one. His name's Mark, u were his temp GDL.

Me : Oh, ok ok. No problem. *feeling bad for acting like a total bitch and not going over to sat hello*

- Got onto bus. Camwhored a bit here and there. Begged bus driver to make a stop at Penang town so both interactors and rotaractors could taste a bit of Penang before leaving.

The interactors under our sponsoring rotary club, only a handful came. Bummer. But they're awesome people.

- Went to Asia Cafe in Penang and a few other hawker stalls. FOOD! Ben bought Muar Chi for the interactors. Berbonding a bit with them.

-Joked and played cards on the bus. Talked cock and bull. Witnessed thai dance and watched MI3 after Poltergeist. Was constantly interrupted from sleep by the screams of the stupid poltergeist girl. The bus driver is crazy. He sits inches away from the speaker but turns up the volume the highest in can possibly go. Talk about syntaxes man. I wonder whether the Gods in heaven have broken ear drums right now.

Taken with flash while Leez was asleep.

- Reached. Said goodbye. Came back and was stoned the entire night. *sniffle*

-Will always remember you guys. Jitco. James. Richie-who had to tolerate Leez's and my insanity for a bit. Dou Han (yes Leez, his name was Dou Han, the one that Ben kept calling John just coz he 'looked' like a John.). Way Wen-the baby faced one. Yogz. Shanta. Kishen. Chris.Chiew Ee. Calvin-my partner in crime. Anne. Jecca?? Kelvin- the one with the psychotic smile. Bernard (..the GREAT). All these people and more made my time there all the more enjoyable. Thanks Ben, Alex, Leeza and Ming Yie for coming. You guys are the bomb. Can't wait for the District Rotaract Conference in January. I can't believe I'll be leaving all these awesome people to go to New Zealand next year. It doesn't make any sense at all.

ps : my pictures are all random shots coz did not bring my camera along most of the time. No nice pics, so you'll have to make do with what i have till i get better ones from the rest there. Try Leez's blog for more pictures.

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Addictive Business

11:31 PM

In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It's the high we're chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away. - Greys Anatomy, Season 3

I am addicted to the high that comes with hanging out with friends. I love socializing. I love friends. I adore socializing with friends. So is it any wonder that I've become fixated/addicted to making more friends?

Ok, maybe that was an exaggeration. But there is something wrong with me. I can feel it in my gut. I keep wanting, or much rather, longing to do something crazy before I become bound to studies once again. It's either the rebel in me that's causing these severe bouts of hype or my current social status which seems to be mindblowingly awesome. I can't stand it! I want to do something CRAzeEeEeE..... I want to be out of control. I want to do things that I would not even consider on a regular basis. I want my last few months here to be memorable....

The week so far has been super busy, super energizing, super fun! I feel like I am running on a natural high. Like somehow, I can never feel tired. Like my system is making natural red bull which is constantly keeping me fueled. I feel liberated! Invigorated! I practically leap out of bed like every new day is an adventure.

I spent Monday morning with Evil Spawn. Went swimming and talked crap over lunch. And then went in hunt of something he needed for some ridiculous party. Then at around 6 ish, I picked Mike up from work and after much debate, we ended up at Bangsar Village in the plush comforts of Nandos for dinner. Both conversation and company was great. I like talking to Mike! And I got back my tupperwares from the BBQ from him. So the night ceased on a high note.

Picked Nishan up from his place on tuesday morning and we went to collect the banner from his sister's place in Brickfields before heading over to the carwash venue in Sentul. I have ABSOLUTELY no comment with regards to the carwash venue. Sorry if I tugged too tightly at your curiosity strings. Anyhow, I found out that Nishan has like a lifetime plan for himself which encompasses study, work and retired phases. I, on the other hand, have a tomorrow plan. That's as far as it goes. It's nice to talk to a person who shares all areas of his life with me, especially since I would consider myself a private person. I kinda adore his ability to trust without apprehension. Coz in those few hours, I got to know him well. Later in the evening, I met up with Bernard and Calvin at Starbucks in pyramid. Went over the program for the InterConference with Cal and then talked politics with Bernard who has intentions to run for DRR. Got to know heaps about numerous personalities in the rotaract scene from him. Dinner was on Cal. We had Indian food. ANd they made me eat til I felt like puking. Guys!

This morning was spent with Yen Lee, Nishan and Yen's sister at Sunway Pyramid. Just in case you were wondering, I did not volunteer to participate, I was invited. LOL. Shopped for Nishan's sister's wedding gift, she's getting married this weekend! (and apparently, the whole marriage cost like 1 million M'sian ringgit). And then headed to Kim Gary for lunch. Lunch was on them. Again, I did not happily accept the offer. Will be meeting with the gang later this evening for more invigorating moments. Apparently the Bali thing may not be happening so I have my protests all set and ready to be presented.

Summarized above was my week so far.

Highlights tomorrow : Me packing for InterConference at USM Penang and last min preparations. Might go for med check up tomorrow. Apparently the emceeing thing should be spontaneous and not prepared. Horrors! But I'll do fine, Calvin's there.... Ahhh, can't wait, can't wait! Friday, come quick.. I await you!

Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.

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Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sussing it Out

6:37 PM

"Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. The funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need." Greys anatomy, season 3

Wow. This is weird. I suddenly feel that I have lots to blog about. And this hasn’t happened in a long while. My posts seem to be lacking in substance of late. Suddenly it’s all about presidency and stages of my uni application and other random nonsensical stuff. Tried to pimp up my blog just to make it more read worthy but failed desperately. I still do not understand what I’m, doing wrong on the edit HTML page. Bah!

So, to begin with, today’s rota meeting was super fun towards the ending stages. I thought it was gonna be overbearing with formality and lacking in entertainment. But then, entertainment came in the form of Bernard. He might be overtly direct and perverse in every way possible but Bernard is definitely the life of every party la. And even if he isn’t, he’ll make sure that it ends up that way. Today was probably the first time I witnessed Cassie in a completely I-have-no-idea-what-to-say stumped position. The gutsy Cassie that we all know lost her caustic tongue. Who would’ve thought, after those endless verbal matches with Mike? Anyhow, we had pizza with Dinesh, Bernard and Calvin, our “honorary” guests and then engaged in verbal diarrhea. Wah! Just realized that there’re so many rotaract trips lined up for us. There’s the InterConference next weekend, RotaConference in January (which Leez had to go and spoil for me by revealing ski ride information to the whole world!) and then the RotaBBq, masterminded by Cass. And RotaCarwash. And Cheshire Home visit with interactors. And RotaAwards Night (which is sposed to be like a red carpet event!) which I can’t attend *sobs*. And today Dinesh presented me with more citations that I had to fulfill before leaving to Moo Moo land. Righta.

*Flashback to approximately ten mins before meeting*
Images. Of me zooming like freaking Schumacher to pick Leez up from Puchong. Of Dinesh (VIP needing presidential attention) waiting in the foyer, shaking his head at the lack of professionalism. Of me calling Cass and finding out that she still didn’t have transport. Of me calling Shaun like psycho.

*********
That aside. Apparently, lots of people have a problem understanding why New Zealand is my chosen study destination and why in the world major in psychology? I could tell them to bloody hell mind their own business and poke their noses into their own pants. This is my decision right? One for me to make? And maybe I’m making the wrong one. Who knows? There always gonna be that fear that maybe I just tossed myself into a heap of crap… And worse, am unable to make it out of the crap even if I wanted to later on. But then, if I don’t take the leap then I’ll never know. And I think, not knowing, is worse than knowing but hating.

Considering I am a good person, with an evil name apparently, I will not turn you away and tell you to go jab your nose into a pile of sheep poop. I seemingly have the time and will to explain (although I had a mere 3 hrs of sleep last night) my choices.

New Zealand, because it’s a place that not many choose to go. I still do not know of anyone who is going/even has applied to NZ to date. I don’t understand why coz the University of Auckland is ranked 50th in the world. Much to my advantage though, this works superbly for me. I’d like to start completely anew with every new phase of my life. It gives me room for improvement and it allows me to reinvent myself in any way I’d like to. Intimidating as it might seem, especially for me, who has never been without company for a very verrry long time, I think that this might actually make me a stronger person. At present, I have my friends, who I meet on a constant basis. But how far along in a friendship do you stop nurturing? I don’t wanna grow complacent. I want to know that my friends are there because my perpetual growth in personality drew them towards me. Haha, sounds a bit odd when I put it that way but I don’t want to take my friends for granted la. I wanna know that they’re there for reasons.

*I am continuing this post after a one day, hence the lapse in dates

Psychology coz I’ve always been fascinated with people and their behavior. It’s in my blood to always want to know why people act the way they do. Why they think the way they do. Why some are manipulative and others have low self esteem. Why some choose to torture themselves and others choose to stay quiet when they see other people being tortured. Why the human mentality works the way it does. Maybe someday, I might be able to debunk the weirdest of the weirdest behaviors and write a book a bout it. But my mom is pretty sure that I’ll map my way out into something else, perhaps health and fitness. She has this preoccupation with me opening a body, mind and soul fitness center. All these silly yet adorable ideas etched in her overactive little mind.

What people might not know is the Bachelor of Science covers a range of topics. Hence, although I’ve stated my major as psych, I am free to pick minors to do during each semester such as biomedical science, physiology, marine biology and biological sciences amongst others. So I will be able to explore at the same time and if I end up liking one of my minors as opposed to the chosen major, I am allowed to switch. Plus there’s the general education thing, which I think is pretty fun. You get to study languages/about music and culture. Anything which floats your boat.
My fingers are still crossed for the scholarship!!! Please o please, give me the scholarship. LOL.

Ultimately, I think taking the leap is better than staying in my comfort zone and milking of it till I’m “more mature”. Besides, when do you become “more mature”??? At least I don’t think that staying within your comfortable range where food is provided on the table and your problems are fixed in a blink of an eye is going to make you any more mature. It’s not going to teach you how to be street smart or how to bear the brunt of your own actions. Staying home longer might make me even more inclined to not want to branch out when it’s time for me to. I don’t know about you…. So yes, studying locally might be a smart/sane thing to do, but I want something more. I want to learn to be even more independent. I want to learn to cope with the world without people constantly telling me what to do. I want to drop and not be caught. And who knows? I might start to fly before being caught? And finally, I want to learn how to appreciate my family, my country and everything back here.

So there. I hope I got everything sussed out. Peace out!
"At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. They're what you do. Some things you say because you have no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves."

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Thursday, November 15, 2007

A Shot of Intimacy

5:39 PM

"Intimacy is a four syllable word for: Here is my heart and soul, please grind into hamburger, and enjoy. It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know." - Greys Anatomy, season 1

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Hate. Hate. Hedious hate! Despicable despise. I hate that you put ideas into my head and then try and shake it all out, but all you end up doing is triggering a mind shattering headache. I hate when this happens. I hate that I cannot elaborate any further in fear of the entire world and maybe even you knowing. I hate that this is a stupid game that I've had to play every single time yet, I've not been able to master it. I hate that it is so fun this way.

Which brings me to the question, what's considered too intimate and what's not intimate enough? Coz I can never tell.

Apparently, I've got the answer.

"I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. As for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something we have to define for ourselves."

That aside, went out with sher for lunch. We toured the whole of Bangsar Village, phases I and II to aid digestion after lunch. The music store and bookstore were popular hits. Although I couldn't buy anything coz I didn't bring enough $$. Which is what I've decided to do at every single outing from now on wards. But Sher bought herself some cds. JEalOus! Bah! ToysRUs was on the agenda as well. What is it with people and the purple place that sells super improved, upgraded performance toys that might form haunted images in the minds of kids. Almost everything in there has a button which upon being pushed sings out partially clear, eerie tunes. I fear for the kids. Went around poking and pushing all the 'push me' toys I could find til I was satisfied. My favourite is still the one that sings 'la la la la la la la'. The white possessed monkey.

Met up with the satanic gang later in the evening for a confiding session which made me reassess my goals and put me back on track.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Denial

7:21 AM

"The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth... right in front of our faces." -Greys Anatomy, season 2

Yep. For most part of my life, I have always seen what I wanted to see. Today was different though. Today I saw things that were staring me back at the face. Things that I would normally choose to ignore. And I felt like a better person for it.

I witnessed the softer side of someone who I didn't really take a liking to in the beginning of days. At first, it seemed like she made a living out of finding fault with me. But today, I saw her differently. It was as if a completely different person took over. And I couldn't help wondering if I had somehow overlooked all this in the past to fuel my preoccupation of finding something about her I could taunt?

I realized that as much as I enjoy denying it, assuming presidency of an almost defunct club and breathing (some) life into it might just be the best thing to happen to me yet. Seriously. In the course of these few months, I've not only expanded my social circle beyond my wildest dreams within the country, but I've come to know so many spirited people from the whole of Asia pacific. I've inspired and been inspired. I've been able to keep in touch with many college friends AND school friends!. I mean, if it weren't for meetings and activities, I don't think I would be seeing much of Eu Sheng, or Ben or Yin Ho. In fact, I didn't even know yin ho til recently. And at times, I feel like I can somehow connect really well and find level ground with the members as opposed to some friends I have know longer (not the close ones tho). I've been exposed to politics. I've established myself as a leader, maybe not an awesome one, but a leader no doubt. ANd I get endless opportunities to improve myself. How often do you get offers to emcee and parade around at formal events? So the truth is. I am enjoying it. To the max. Sucky times reside in everything. U can't escape the suckiness.

I am a procrastinator of sorts. I deny this all the time. Of late, this has been exacerbated. In fact, "later la" is my favorite word. Darn. Gotta change. Luckily, I have a yin to my procrastination yang in the form of my I-need-to-get-things-done-right-here-right-now mother. She's been filling forms and urging me to apply for this and that by scaring me into believing that I might end up staying on the streets in New Zealand.

I can't deny that I am afraid of the prospect of living alone in a whole different country with different values. Maybe the prospect itself is what's keeping me excited. But will I feel the same way when I'm there in person? When everything foreign is looking me in the face and nothing quite much bears any resemblance to the place I've known all my life? Will I feel the same way then? I haven't a clue. All I know for now, is that the prospect alone is fueling my enthusiasm.

Denial, Denial, I think we're all stuck in it at certain points in our life. Recognizing it might be the only way to get out.

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"

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