Bridging Fantasy & Reality

Ok. Anyone who says you can sleep when you die, tell them to come talk to me after a few months as an intern. Of course, it's not just the job that keeps us up all night. I mean, if life's so hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? What's up with the need to hit the self-destruct button? - Meredith Grey, Greys Anatomy, season 1

Today was a really ReAlLy crappy day. Not so much crappy. More frustrating than craPPy. Coz today, I lost my park. I found out that presidency can grind you into a freaking hamburger. And to my surprise hunting down a laptop is not all fun if you include the amount of thought that needs to be put into it. And dreaming? What’s with the iffy images that clog your subconscious mind? Why can’t I just sleep in peace? Why dream of insignificant windy roads that gives me the creeps? …don’t ask.

Number one, I lost my park. Yes, the wide spacious, craggy hilled Taman Tasik Perdana allllll the way in KL. The one I pull myself outta bed for at least once a week at the crack of dawn. The park that I’ve grown so familiar with that it even has a special space in my heart. This morning, I woke up, put on my running shoes and drove down there. Everything remained the same. I did the usual. But then just as I was about to proceed to jog, friendly guy named J approached in ALL his friendliness. It didn’t seem like he was hitting on me …(I was covered in sweat from head to toe for Pete’s sake) so I answered questions in brief when he asked them. Very polite. Seemed decent. And what if he, mebbe just wanted to jog with me or sth right? Like they say, “go to the park, make a new friend!”. (This is rubbish in case ur radar didn’t catch it) Everyone deserves the benefit of a doubt. But no no, kids, it’s true when your parents tell you don’t talk to strangers. Coz J became my lil doggie, he sniffed my trail. Which made me concentrate more on making sure I wasn’t going to bump into him than my exercise routine.

Ahahufusirgerigldrghkdjfkbvdfugh! Morning endorphins lenyap dalam kesunyian pagian yang menjelma. Aizuddin, if ur reading this, can you let me know if that sentence made any sense at all? Thx. So It seems I may not be able to visit my beloved park coz he knows exactly when I come and which route I take and he frequents the park often. Yes, I learnt this all during the stringent conversation. Or I can just take my chances and change my day of frequentation….. at least, for now, I think that’ll work. Wtv it is, the park’s never gonna be the same again. And I despise that!

Number two. Had a semi fabulous afternoon nap today until that stupid dream invaded. It was a darn ass tiring dream. When I woke up, it felt like I had run a marathon. And it was raining! SO any sane human being would resume sleep. But NO. I had an obligation, rotaract meeting. Presidents deserve a break too right? I mean, I’m sure Goerge Bush wakes up every morning and reschedules a dozen meetings with his secretary. SO I start calling people and find out that the response is poor. Cassie’s lazy. Leeza’s ever ready but reconsidering. Surin gladly backs off. I can almost see Jason’s mischievous grin. And Alex never got back to me. Ben’s text broke me. So that left Shaun. The one person who I could not persuade. “Where’s your sense of ethics?” “Dimi, U can’t do this. It’s too last minute, the interact presidents will be there” “Dimi, U better go. Get ur ass here now!” But… but… but NO ONE is going!!!! “it’s ok, only both of us need to brief them”. Yea right! I’m sure he was looking forward to briefing Jocelyn more than anything. I had no incentive to go. But I had to drag my ass down there anyhow, just to maintain my what-wuz-tht? Ethics! Dic Vinn was quite cute though. Can still hear Cassie exclaiming in horror… “he’s younger than you ok!”… Please la. I know better than to dig any interact president. Shaun better not be reading my blog.

Presidents duty doesn’t stop there. She has to come back and make sure everything is coordinated for the super important superfyingly crucial meeting next weekend. And so she types til the tips of her fingers has no feeling. Everything’s ready except for accounts from Shaun’s side.

Was supposed to resume laptop hunting today. But then the sky was scarlet and pregnant with acid rain when I returned so I rescheduled with mom. Which brings me to tomorrow when I have to transform into a fembot and run multiple tasks. Carwash banner’s ready. T shirt design needs to be submitted. Venue for interact conference needs to be settled. This and more remains my responsibility. Plus, bank draft and submission to JM. And I think I told JJ I was gonna stop by for lunch. And dig out more laptop info from him.

I deserve the right to rant. Sorry if I hurt anyone’s feelings in the process.

This blog entry will hopefully self destruct in your mind after you leave my site…..

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know, maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

Comments (6) Full article

If you come to think of it, the things that you will miss most once you can hardly experience it again are indeed the tiny details and most nonsensical of the lot... how true!

Evil Spawn : I tell you! it's syisha la k. Where got such thing as sheee sharrrr?
Antichrist 666: WTV la. Can we just order it now. I don't care what the spelling is...
She-Devil : You do know that syisha is the beginning of all the evil in the world right? Syisha first, then what next?
Drugs? Tattoos? Casual sex? Alcoholic-ism? It all stems from syisha! It's the start of all evil! It's the reason
people go around with signboards saying "the end is near!".
Evil Spawn : Woman. You've got ish-shoes!

Comments (0) Full article

Destination : University of Auckland, New Zealand pfft! Who cares about tht hole in the ozone? Which apparently resulted from the overpopulation of cows.... I'm never gonna view cows the same way again... bleuk. Yep. It's confirmed. You heard it here 1st.

Mission(s)

1 Get a laptop. Spoke to half the tech savvy population. And this is the outcome. Don't get Acer/Dell, they break down like nobody's business. Make sure the international warranty does not only cover Singapore (...international kononnya!) and does cover NZ. ALways pick windows XP over vista. HP/Toshiba/IBM rank high on the list. - advice courtesy of Cousin VJ, Jeremy J, and multiple pc guys at Digital Mall-

2 Send in acceptance letter as soon as bank draft has been approved.

3 Flight tickets

4 Accomodation upon receiving flight details.

5 Visa upon receiving receipt from the mentioned university.

6 Get a new wardrobe suited for the NZ climate. Wheeee!

7 Apply to US universities once the SAT results are finally in. I don't lose anything by applying. Besides, if I get into an awesome uni on financial aid, I might be waving bubye to the kiwis. LOL.

8 Research, research, research. They say, u can never be too prepared.

Number 6 is my ultimate favorite. LOL. Gotta run.

Comments (0) Full article

She, mummy and me - We!

For Ben (who's obsessed with her) and Mike (who didn't really see her)

And the others who adore her... please, feast ur eyes

My sister - The babe

Comments (0) Full article

All of us at Luna Bar, minus Mike

Me - with my screaming orgasm (sadly in a sad looking cup which doesn't do the drink justice at all!) and Nirmal, growing pinker by the minute

Mostly, foam... Mike and Ben's shared pina colada.

My interview with one of the reps at the Ministry of education was today. My mom made a book out of all my certs and personal documents yesterday. Literally! She made me submit extra certs and extra reference letters. And then she printed out page breaks in coloured paper, and labelled them with sections. And she put this tiny stick on flags on each section so that it would be easy to flip over. Ever the meticulous woman. Anyway, presumably, i came in with the thickest looking stash in a folder, while everyone else simply used paper clips. And just the previous day I was trying to make my personal statement sound as non-narcissistic as possible. But according to mom, being humble sometimes does not pay.

Anyway, the interview, despite being my first and having little to compare it to, was rather odd. Coz it seemed like no one knew what was going on. The interviewer was the most confused of the lot. He was surprised that his name was on the website when he was not really informed about anything by the ministry of education in New Zealand. I find this all a little worrying. Coz there's a high possibility that I might end up not getting the scholarship due to competition but I didn't anticipate not being eligible due to confusion amongst those in authority. Pffth!


Went to see Miss Irma again the day before that. I promised her that the remaining S2 students would take her for a treat before leaving. So S2? When ah? Both Miss Irma and Miss Joy wrote amazing reference letters for me. Technically, I wasn't supposed to read Miss Joy's letter coz it was sealed. But she provided 3 copies, so i just tore into one. I cannot tahan suspense okayyy. So a HUGE thank you to both lecturers for their awesome letters in such short notice. Also managed to get letters from the President of the rotary club and the immediate past president of RAC Bdr Sunway. Plus Miss Elisa's letter, that would be 5. Thanks to mom's endless bugging. Sigh. But i geddit, that me getting any financial aid at all is important.

Lunch today was, eh, interesting. Is it totally wrong that I find people who are intimidated by me and show it, completely adorable? The fumbling for words is just so kewt! (cute) Not that anyone should be intimidated by me la... But there are those rare occasions. LOL.

Deepavali's tomorrow. And somewhat, this year feels more festive than the previous year. Deepavali 06 was one in mourning. Didn't buy any new clothes. ANd I want new lengas! I have only one really gorgeous lenga which I wear to almost every function I attend. And one Punjabi suit which I wore last when I was in Form 2 i think. I bet my ass can't fit into it anymore. Oh, can can, it's the drawstring type. So, the point is, I want more lengas! I want lengas from India to be shipped my way!

Will be bringing muruku for the rotaract meeting this coming sunday. Oh, n no money packets for those visiting me, mummy says "v need the money". She wanted to give out one ringgit notes but I discouraged her to save us from the 'cheapskate' label.

Oh, I am, apparently, a manipulator. Was reading Cleo yesterday and I discovered that my personality manipulates. Sad but true. I lie extremely well. Without flinching. I'm good. In a bad way. Right Leez? Right?

No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie. -Greys anatomy, S2

Comments (0) Full article

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. 'Never leave that 'til tomorrow,' he said, 'Which you could do today.' This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong. What if you make a mistake you can’t undo. Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it. It can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically." - Greys Anatomy, season 1

My weekend was crazy, yet I enjoyed every part of it. I would consider Rotaract to be one of the best things to happen to me but, then again, many good things have happened to me to this date. Great things that I don't feel like leaving behind when the time comes for me to live my life elsewhere. I'm not sure if mere memories will be enough then. If the mere memory of all the awesome people I've met will be enough to bring a smile to my face. Coz I've always been the person who hopes and expects more. And these expectations empower me. What I'm saying is, I feel like I've somewhat made a mark here. So to leave everything I've built up on is going to be difficult. I'm all for the challenge. As long as I have time to brace myself before reality hits.

Back to my crazy weekend. Started off with the SAT subject tests on Saturday morning. I was this *space between thumb n index finger* close to dropping one of my registered subject tests and sitting for only 2 instead but then I paid $8 per paper. That's like, almost RM 32. So I decided against it. I chose to do Lit first. The paper just broke my spirit. It felt like I was attempting a paper in Greek or something. I was worried about the time, which led me to literally pick answers based on instinct more than anything else. And my instincts aren't always very reliable so, one word - toast *ka ping*. Bio and Math weren't that difficult. There were those occasional questions that I didn't have the mental capacity for but pretty doable.

I felt a huuuuge burden lift off my shoulders once I was done with the tests. Headed over to Mid Valley with Nirm soon after to meet up with Mike and errr... Mike. Although the initial plan included Ben and Cassie. Thanks to Nirms' spectacular planning abilities, this worked out superbly. Jk. :P Anyway, we spent the entire day there. Watched Bourne Ultimatum. Walked around for a bit. Had vegetable-less meals and multiple drinks. Long conversations. Stalked Ben. Then walked around some more. This continued til around 12 am. Tiring but FUN!

Had to wake up extra early on Sunday morning in order to be at SyUC at 8 am for the Rotaract quiz. We were in charge of registration and printing of the certs and the lucky draws and ushering. Rotarians can be the most dysfunctional lot ever, but I loved every second of it. Fun in a twisted unorganized way. Plus, the presence of all the rotaractors made it even more enjoyable. We received Stacie Orrico cds and a medal of appreciation which I got to keep as tokens of appreciation.

Later at night, there was a deepavali dinner at some Pusat Komuniti in TTDI. It was more of a helping out frenzy as opposed to a free dinner as promised. But everything came together in the end. We had to sort out shoes to be given out to the orphans at multiple homes, which included stacking, compiling, classifying and distribution. Had to make do with what we had when there weren't enough shoes. Special thanks to the rotaractors present and Mike and Nirms who were there throughout the night.

Drinks at Luna Bar was next on the agenda. I had a screaming orgasm (a drink)! Which was like a mix of everything, yet surprisingly mild. Everyone agreed that it tasted the best compared to the other drinks ordered (pina colada, space something, red wine??? amongst others). Had a frozen Margarita later with Mike and Nirms. Drinks were on Ben. Anyhow, Luna Bar's really cozy. There're multiple locations to bum around to your preference. No dance floor, but no drunken acts either so it's rated high on my list of cool places to have a quiet but expensive drink in KL. Cass had to leave early so that left Nirm, Mike and me again. Lounged there for a bit before heading off on a journey to the nearest McDs which turned out to be a prolonged journey with a police check in between. Ah, good times.

Am typing out my personal statement at the moment. Gotta go see Miss Irma and Miss Joy later. And I have this nagging urge to head to the gym. So am leaving you at that. Will try and post pictures in the next entry.

PS: I accepted the emcee-ing gig. Because, it is screaming at me from every direction that we should seize the day, and exploit the opportunities before us. Fumble. Bumble. Dumble.

PPS: I am not always negative.

PPPS: I am going to be more decisive from now on. Anywhere and anything aren't options.

"The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

Comments (0) Full article

Meredith: Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive.
George: Family . . .
Cristina: Love . . .
Izzie: Sex.
Derek: But we only need one thing . . .
Burke: To actually be alive.
Cristina: We need a beating heart.
Addison: When our heart is threatened . . .
Alex: we respond in one of two ways.
George: We either run or . . .
Izzie: we attack.
Chief: There's a scientific term for this:
Alex: Fight . . .
Addison: or flight.
Bailey: It's instinct . . .
Meredith: We can't control it.
Izzie: Or can we?

I'm still in shock at what I received in my mail today. It's a completely reasonable mail under normal circumstances. But putting me into the equation and my fears and the fact that I never seem to stop complaining about my incompetence in this area. This proposal is indeed shock worthy.

I have another favor to ask from you. Can you be one of the emcees for the duration of the conference? The rotarians in Penang has requested that rotaractors handle the opening ceremony too.I'm asking you because I think you are experienced to be an emcee as I'm not that confident about the rest in my list. Do consider about it, OK?

I had to sms the sifu of all emcees, Shaun, just to be sure I was reading right. And to be completely certain that if I did accept the offer, I would still be deemed a sane woman. I think this subject needs further deliberation considering I almost had a minor nervous breakdown the last time I took the podium. Oh when oh when will I rock the podium? Plus, he doesn't even know me. We've spoken briefly on the phone but have yet to meet. So in terms of appropriacy, this is very hell bent.

So fight? Or should I take the next flight outta here?

Was in the middle of a literature test back there, so if you'll just excuse me......

Comments (6) Full article